Am I going to die?

jca555 · July 4

Recently my DH (56 yo EOA & FTD) has been asking me if he is going to die from this? He’s progressing and he’s scared and noticing the problems he’s having. How do I answer this? I don’t want to scare him or get him upset. I try to answer as vague as I can without getting upset every time he asks.

Gator1976 · July 4

your going to have to deflect this question, or ask a question back and not answer, or tell a fib and deflect. Don’t address this directly. It will only worsen his ability to cope with it.

trottingalong · July 4

My DH used to ask that question and I would emphatically say “no, you are not.” I would give him a kiss and quickly move on to something else. Sometimes I would say “not on my watch you aren’t.” What I have found with my DH is when I can’t deflect and I know he is looking for reassurance I try to definitively give him the reassurance without specifics and move on. It’s always a balancing act. Now I have the statement/question “I’m just like my mother.” Or “Am I just like my mother.”

Carl46 · July 4

When my wife told me she was afraid she was losing her mind and afraid she was going to die, I assured her I was with her and would always help her. That reassurance seemed to help her. The question distressed me, but I have long ago learned to keep my emotions to myself.

GothicGremlin · July 4

My sister also had early onset and FTD (she was diagnosed at age 58). She also would ask me periodically if she was going to die of this. I'd always respond with some variant of "of course not!" even though I knew very well that she would. She was terrified when she got diagnosed, and like others here, I didn't want to scare my sister any more than she already was.

Biggles · July 5

My DH asked me this morning if he was dead (we have just had a full on family few days. so he was tired and seeing apparitions) I said, with a grin and a kiss, well if you are dead so am I and we are together so everyone else can bugger off. We moved on to tea, toast and jam and he was happy. Now asleep.

harshedbuzz · July 5

@jca555

Like the others I deflected with reassurance.

When dad asked me if he was dying, I'd answer, "Not today" or "Not on my watch, mom would kill me". He'd laugh and move on.

HB

midge333 · July 5

I think it depends on the stage. In early stages, I don't think lying & deflection are appropriate. In later stages, that approach is the way to go.

Dio · July 5

Early on when we finally got a diagnosis, DH would ask the same. I replied with we're all dying. The moment we're born, we're all on the path of dying. It's how you live this life that matters. No matter how much or how little time we have left, let's just live. Now, he's in memory care and asked if this is where he's going to die. This was a more difficult question and gut-wrenching. This one I deflect. I'd say don't go there. Just enjoy the time we have.

Am I going to die?

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