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Am I going to die?

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jca555
jca555 Member Posts: 5
First Comment 5 Care Reactions
Member

Recently my DH (56 yo EOA & FTD) has been asking me if he is going to die from this? He’s progressing and he’s scared and noticing the problems he’s having. How do I answer this? I don’t want to scare him or get him upset. I try to answer as vague as I can without getting upset every time he asks.

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  • Gator1976
    Gator1976 Member Posts: 46
    10 Comments 5 Care Reactions 5 Insightfuls Reactions 5 Likes
    Member

    your going to have to deflect this question, or ask a question back and not answer, or tell a fib and deflect. Don’t address this directly. It will only worsen his ability to cope with it.

  • trottingalong
    trottingalong Member Posts: 663
    Ninth Anniversary 500 Comments 250 Care Reactions 250 Likes
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    My DH used to ask that question and I would emphatically say “no, you are not.” I would give him a kiss and quickly move on to something else. Sometimes I would say “not on my watch you aren’t.” What I have found with my DH is when I can’t deflect and I know he is looking for reassurance I try to definitively give him the reassurance without specifics and move on. It’s always a balancing act. Now I have the statement/question “I’m just like my mother.” Or “Am I just like my mother.”

  • GothicGremlin
    GothicGremlin Member Posts: 1,110
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    My sister also had early onset and FTD (she was diagnosed at age 58). She also would ask me periodically if she was going to die of this. I'd always respond with some variant of "of course not!" even though I knew very well that she would. She was terrified when she got diagnosed, and like others here, I didn't want to scare my sister any more than she already was.

  • harshedbuzz
    harshedbuzz Member Posts: 5,337
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    @jca555

    Like the others I deflected with reassurance.

    When dad asked me if he was dying, I'd answer, "Not today" or "Not on my watch, mom would kill me". He'd laugh and move on.

    HB

  • midge333
    midge333 Member Posts: 531
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    I think it depends on the stage. In early stages, I don't think lying & deflection are appropriate. In later stages, that approach is the way to go.

  • Dio
    Dio Member Posts: 827
    250 Likes 250 Care Reactions 500 Comments Third Anniversary
    Member

    Early on when we finally got a diagnosis, DH would ask the same. I replied with we're all dying. The moment we're born, we're all on the path of dying. It's how you live this life that matters. No matter how much or how little time we have left, let's just live. Now, he's in memory care and asked if this is where he's going to die. This was a more difficult question and gut-wrenching. This one I deflect. I'd say don't go there. Just enjoy the time we have.

Commonly Used Abbreviations


DH = Dear Husband
DW= Dear Wife, Darling Wife
LO = Loved One
ES = Early Stage
EO = Early Onset
FTD = Frontotemporal Dementia
VD = Vascular Dementia
MC = Memory Care
AL = Assisted Living
POA = Power of Attorney
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