Numb to other causes of sadness now?

Shan456 · July 4

I’ve been grieving and sad since my husband’s diagnosis last month. This week, my mother unexpectedly passed. I cried the day she died. But then I haven’t been crying about that. I wonder if I’m emotionally numb from so much trauma or if someone unexpectedly passing is easier (for lack of a better term) than being with someone who is deteriorating from a disease.

Palmetto Peg · July 4

I think that is exactly what has happened to you. I feel the same way. We only have a certain capacity for sadness, and seeing our loved one deteriorate from this terrible disease is more than our hearts can bear. My beloved cat died - and in no way am I comparing a cat to your mother - but normally I would have grieved for a while for the loss. I took him to the vet, had him put down, came home and went on about my day. There is just nothing inside me now but a shell and I don't know that I will ever really be myself again. There are hugs for you here, and I am so sorry about the loss of your mother. Hopefully someday we will all be able to find it in our hearts to again grieve our losses.

trottingalong · July 4

I’m sorry about the unexpected loss of your mother. I do agree, we can only handle so much and what you have occurring currently within your own home is zapping all resources. Give yourself grace and understanding. Dealing with this disease wears on the soul of who we are.

Maru · July 4

My only remaining sibling died last year. I took my DH with AL with me and we had to stay in a hotel for a week . I had to monitor my DH whose behavior changed from the moment we began the 9 hour drive. I kept wondering why I wasn't feeling any grief for my loss. Apparently, I have limit on how many feelings I can juggle at any given time.

Your grief will come in due time. Mine comes and goes, parceled out in small bits that I can handle at any given time.

I feel for your loss, coming so unexpectedly. You have much to mourn for…your mother, and the loss of all the future with your DH as you thought it might be. Praying that you will find consolation.

Russinator · July 4

((HUGS))

Biggles · July 5

I am so sorry for the loss of your mother. When my mother died the poor delivery chap brought flowers to the door and was greeted with tears and me blabbering I don’t want flowers I want my mother back (she was 90 and mentally great) but to live with and watch our DH’s fading, for me causes a grief beyond bearing and I find I have nothing left I am so drained. I have to remind my self to say the things that people need to hear at their sad time. I think we are protecting ourselves, a sort of protection bubble. You are not alone. I send understanding and hugs. Take care.

l7pla1w2 · July 5

I keep waiting for something to trigger a real crying session to mourn my DW's dementia, but so far, virtually nothing. I thought maybe after I placed her in MC I might let go, but no.

Something else did trigger a few tears. I went to the safe deposit box for something else and looked at her diamond jewelry, her engagement ring, a diamond wedding ring, drop diamond earrings. I realized she would never wear any of them again, and that made me very sad and brought on a few tears.

I'm still waiting for the full-on sob session.

Denise1847 · July 5

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/73443/numb-to-other-causes-of-sadness-now

I think we get to a point that we shut down our emotions. I think it is a way that our brain protects us. I am numb most of the time, just going through the motions of life. Every time when I am driving to the memory care facility, a darkness comes upon me and dulls my mind to the point I want to sleep. What this grief and emotional trauma does to your mind and body is unbelievable. If I stay away from the memory care for 2 days, I then start to come out of it, but then I do it all over again. I sometimes think there will truly be nothing left of me when this is over.

BPS · July 5

My wife has been in MC for 15 months and I also feel like there should be some great release of emotion that I have not had yet, but when I watch TV even sitcoms and see a married couple that look into each other eyes and they look so close it does make my eyes sweat a little.

SDianeL · July 5

so sorry about your Mom. Hugs.

Dio · July 5

So sorry for what you're going through. In hard times, I tell myself, "this, too, shall pass." Sometimes it works, but most times…well… Numbing is your natural defensive mechanism. Let it pass, and it will, and allow yourself to grief. (((Hugs)))

Numb to other causes of sadness now?

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