Caregiving help for a parent - what has worked well for you?

Jen_Moss · July 5

My brother and I care 24/7 for a mom with ALZ, probably middle stage. We both work full time, but my brother is able to work from home, so that is the only way we have been able to manage it. We have both developed chronic health problems, probably from the years of stress as we have been managing Mom's care for several years now. I was recently diagnosed with an embolic stroke that has affected my mobility, so now we add that into the mix.

So far, we have not used any caregiving agencies for help, but I think that will need to change. What has worked well for your situation - is it a solo, independent caregiver? Or, has using a service been better? I am concerned about using an independent caregiver as there is nothing to back you up in the case of an issue.

Also, do caregivers that work with you tend to be careful about viruses, such as COVID? My mom has not had COVID and we are very protective of her, wearing masks in public, etc. as she gets bronchitis at the drop of a hat.

JulietteBee · July 6

For safety and reliability, I would suggest you hire through an agency. They will do background checks on their employees and if your assigned worker is out sick, they will send a replacement. You can also tell them you want her caretaker/s to wear a mask while on duty.

sandwichone123 · July 7

With an agency they're often bonded so if personal belongings go missing there is some (limited) recourse. They may also be covered by workman's comp and other benefits that would shield you from loss. An individual caregiver often seems easier in the beginning, but if challenges arise there are fewer options for dealing with them. I'd still remove all valuables that you can from the home.

H1235 · July 7

I know the no one likes the idea of assisted living, but there are some positive things. In most Al meals are served in a dinning room. My mom had days she didn’t even get out of her pajamas before moving to Al. There are other people her age to talk to and activities. I think the social aspect of Al was really good for my mom. The living space is much smaller, but for someone with dementia this might not be a bad thing. A smaller space might be easier for her to navigate and less confusing. I also think in some ways it gives them some independence. She would not have someone always there invading her space at her house. Just a different perspective. I hope you can find something that works well for your family.

psg712 · July 7

My gut would say agency. That said, when my MIL lived with us in her 90s, we learned by word of mouth of two independent CNAs who worked together, taking shared assignments for care in the home and private duty in facilities. They were able to help us in the mornings with MIL for her last year. This was huge for my DH, who also worked from home and was having increasing difficulty balancing work with MIL's growing needs.

This arrangement worked because DH was usually home when the caregivers were here, and because MIL was physically frail but cognitively capable. I would not be comfortable leaving my own mom, who has advanced Alzheimers, alone with an independent paid caregiver unless I had long experience and trust with them.

ARIL · July 7

I hired an independent person for a few months who came recommended by my parent’s doctor, but it was a disaster. Didn’t always show up, misrepresented hours worked, brought friends to the house and tried to get my parent to hire them for maintenance issues, made unreasonable demands for pay increases after we’d agreed on a fee and signed a contract. I also had to do the payroll taxes myself. This person was not a thief, however; we didn’t have that problem.

Then I hired through an agency, which worked much better. They handle taxes and benefits, they find replacements if the person gets sick or goes on vacation, they monitor hours worked. It was more expensive for me, although the caregiver was being paid much less than I had paid the independent person. So turnover was frequent.

Then it was AL and now MC. More expense, but a much safer and in many ways a better life.

Staying at home is not all it’s cracked up to be.

For us this process of ever-increasing care has taken several years.

Caregiving help for a parent - what has worked well for you?

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