So many emotions

Shropsj · July 10

Hi All,

I am reading so many posts that I can relate to and empathize with as the adult daughter of a 91 yo father with dementia.

Mom just passed away in May and on June 30 I moved Dad to assisted living. He cannot be home alone and was constantly "looking for" lost keys, wallet, hearing aids, checkbook, or searching for my mother, which is the hardest to witness.

I had to organize a covert operation to get Dad moved because he was not willing to go. Insisted on "dying in his house". He is not adjusting well. He doesn't socialize and constantly asks when I'm taking him home and where is Mom. It is sooooooooo heartbreaking to watch him try to adjust to so much change at this age and I am still trying to convince myself that I did what was best for him. It feels very undignified to force him into such an uncomfortable living arrangement although I know logically, that nothing else would have worked. I also live out of state and he didn't want to move with me.

I'm hearing that the first month is the hardest. I am hoping it gets better but I don't think he will ever want to be at the AL community.

JulietteBee · July 10

Oh my word! I am so sorry to hear of the recent loss of your mom. Please accept my condolences and hugs!🫂

I don't know a time frame for when dad will adjust. My DM is going on 1 year at her IL facility which is only 1 mile from my house. I see her frequently.

She bemoaned her move for about the first 3 months because she too wanted to "Die in my own house." She then appeared adjusted, if not contented, meeting new people and participating in new activities.

Over the last 1-1.5 months she has become depressed, stating she never envisioned this would be her lot in life.

Guilt practically riddles me every other day. My husband and adult offspring tries to reassure me that I've done what was best for her, though my fear is that I may be hastening her demise.💔

Could you find an AL in your area to place dad? At least you'd be able to visit him weekly, if not daily.

He has certainly experienced a lot of major life changes in a very short period of time. Adding to his grief, the changes may also be causing added confusion.😢

SDianeL · July 10

welcome. So sorry about your mom. We understand what you’re going through. Remember you did it for him, not to him. He is getting the 24/7 care he needs and is safe. Blame the doctor. Tell him he can go home when the doctor says so. Or tell him the house is being repaired. You will have to repeat the fib. You are doing the right thing. Hugs. 💜

So many emotions

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