Boyfriend with early stage

LindaMay1971 · July 12

I've been with my partner for 35 years although we don't live together. He had short term memory loss and recently has been very irritable. He threatened to cut off all communication and is very touchy and hard to reach. I'm finally facing that the changes may be cognitive. Fortunately we have all our POA's, wills etc in place but I'm looking at a long road here. For me, walking away is not an option. God bless you! 😘

BPS · July 12

Is his family aware of his condition and are they supportive? Since you don't live with him and he has threatened to cut off all communication it is important to have back up plus there is a time coming when he will not be able to live alone. Are you POA's durable DPOA's, and you will need to change yours to someone else because he won't be able to fulfill that duty.

JulietteBee · July 13

I was born with a genetic, life-threatening disease. Throughout my dating life, I thought boys were selfish and self-centered as they were not interested in dating or marrying a "sick chick."

When I met my husband, my then boyfriend, I told him EVERYTHING about my health and my anticipated short lifespan. I think I wanted to scare him away before he had the chance to reject me, like the others had done.

He listened. He did his own research. He ultimately decided to marry me and fulfill the "till death do you part" for whatever length of time I would have.

Based on my personal history, I believe that if I were in your situation, I would stay the course. Obviously I did not have Dementia, but when someone is ill, whether inherited or acquired, they deserve a chance at being loved.

I would suggest that IF you decide to stay, make sure not to enter into that lifelong commitment naively or with rose-colored glasses. Do not seek to alter yours/his reality. Do the research. Talk to those in the know. Seek legal counsel. Get family buy-in for caregiving needs. In other words, seek to know EXACTLY what you are entering upon.

As stated about, with this disease, short term memory is the first to go. Sadly, you may be among the first people he forgets. Think that through. Play it out in your mind. Explore your inner thoughts. Be honest with yourself! Do you see your future self? If so, how is she feeling about him and their relationship then?

Also, as the relationship changes from your being lovers & best friends, to you being his nurse & caretaker, is your future self resentful, regretful, or is she honored to have been able to care for the love of her life without the need for any gratitude or acknowledment?

I just wanted to give you a bit more food for thought. Trust your gut! I know you will make the decision that is best for YOU. Hugs and God bless!🫂🙏🏼

MAW5 · July 14

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/242831#Comment_242831

I have contacted his daughter who is aware of his early stage dementia and confusion at times. She is his poa but at this point he pays his own bills, sets up his own meds, able to drive still very well as I have been with him several times. He plays golf, is very active, but does get mixed up on dates. I am not responsible for his money or medications. He relies on his phone for appointments and his daughter goes with him at his dr appointments. If I didn't love this man it would be easier to walk away as I have been advised to do. I am not going into a caregiver role, still in a g/f role. If that makes sense,

Boyfriend with early stage

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