Moving mom with alzheimers to a different state

clarkjuliea64 · July 16

My dad passed in 2020 and once he passed, my mom mentally checked out. My brother has lived with her since then and the Alzheimers has gotten worse. I live in a different state and come out every other month for a month at a time. It's straining my relationship with my family and my brother is mentally/emotionally done. We have decided to move my mom and brother to where I live so we are both close to her, but we feel she will be much happier in a Memory Care facility where she can have some stimulation and a somewhat of a social life. She has nervous energy and is bored to death at home with my brother. My question is should we move her directly to a MC or let her live with him for a while to get acclimated, then move her after a couple months.

SDianeL · July 16

welcome. Sorry about your Dad passing and your Mom’s diagnosis. I would move Mom into MC directly. It will be less stressful for her. The facility should have a nurse and Social Worker who will help with the move. I would make up a fib about why she has to stay there “for awhile” — your house has no AC or the roof is being repaired. Repeat as necessary. If you haven’t done so, read the book “The 36 Hour day” which helped me after my DH diagnosis. Come here often for info and support.

H1235 · July 16

Welcome. My suggestion would be to move her to mc right away. Moves can be confusing. Moving her twice is just going to make that more difficult for her. If sh is at a mc level of care I do see how living with your brother first would get her acclimated. She will spend most of her time in the house and by the time she gets used to where things are ( in the home) she would be moved. I’m glad you found us.

psg712 · July 16

Agree with moving her directly to MC. I did a similar move for my mom a few years ago. She stayed at my home for just a few days until her AL room was ready. She was wildly confused for those days and actually settled down better when she was able to move into her new space. I'd recommend minimizing the number of steps to improve the adjustment. It will be a be a big change for her either way.

ARIL · July 17

Agree with others. I moved my dad cross-country more than a year ago. He stayed with us one night before his room was ready, and that was hard enough. Getting settled in the MCF took some time, but things were better once a routine was established. Moves are hard on a PWD; you want to try to minimize the number of them.

Anonymousjpl123 · July 22

Agree with all of the above. I did everything wrong when I moved mom out of state to be near me.

I thought the same, and had her first stay at my place. It made her resent the AL/MC since she thought she was moving in with me even though we discussed it.

That being said, it turned out ok in the end. There is no doing this perfectly. Big picture, it sounds like you and your brother are doing right by your mom. It won’t be easy no matter what but sounds like the right decision.

Moving mom with alzheimers to a different state

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