We Don't Talk Anymore
My wife has ALZ Stage 4, entering Stage 5 this year. There have been many noticeable changes, most obvious is that we don't talk anymore. She is very quiet, sometimes sitting and staring for long periods. Occasionally she tries to speak but can't think of the words and then just drops it. This is creating an atmosphere of loneliness even though we are together all the time. Are other caregivers experiencing this?
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My DW couldn't really conduct a conversation. Her short term memory was on the order of minutes or less. Moreover, she couldn't remember or understand current or past events. She could speak just fine, but she didn't have anything to say. In a social situation, she was silent, because she couldn't contribute.
Oh, by the way, she has a PhD. So sad.
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My wife would stared out the window at a bird feeder or at the TV not really knowing what the story of the show was. She has now been in MC for 16 months. The feeling of loneliness got worse, but eventually I got used to being alone and now I prefer it. I don't think being OK with it is good for me, but it is more comfortable.
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Oh yeah. The first big sign of my DW's cognitive issues was the beginnings of aphasia. She is now down to barely understanding me when I speak and an inability to get out a complete sentence that makes any sense. In a world where everything seems painful, my DW won't stop trying to talk, so I spend all day trying to make sense of her ramblings, which is exhausting. When she takes nap, I'm so dang grateful for the silence.
Hang in there.
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My DH is quiet and is probably moving into stage 6…. He can talk but he rarely initiates a conversation. He can remember things for a few minutes and he will answer me when I ask questions but if I try to have a conversation more than are you hungry or would you like X for dinner/lunch, he gets frustrated and loses the thread of it all very quickly. He used to follow politics with a passion… now he forgets who is president. If I didn't try to engage him, he would say very little all day long. With others, he can showtime for awhile. Yes, it is dreadfully lonesome.
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DW is in early stage 6. As I write this, we are in our 10th hour of her speaking non stop nonsense. She talks to the air, continuously, without end, without purpose or meaning. Repeating the same nonsense over and over, even when I leave the room or step outside. Today is not unusual. I have heard that one day I will miss the days when her voice filled the room. I trust that is true, but it is a difficult perspective to related to at this moment.
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Sorry you’re here, but we are here to help. Sounds like our life at home. My LW is the same way, stage 4 heading to 5 but after a 2 week program called H.A.B.I.T. thru the psychology dept at Mayo Clinic in Jacksonville, FL. She came out of it. It was a deep depression. She and you need counseling to help you and her deal with it.
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If you don't mind, I'd love to know your wife's diagnosis.
I find this disease so bizarre, yet I'm still trying to make sense of it.
Some pwd seem to talk alot of nonsense. Some basically become mute. While others speak coherently, though repetitively due to forgetting the answers previous given.
I am trying to figure out what makes the difference, is it their statmge or is it their type.
My mom was diagnosed with mild cognitive impairment/early dementia. She is far from being "early" or "mild." I requested, and am hoping, tomorrow's MRI will at least tell me the type.
I am trying to get a feel for what lies ahead of us. I will truly be devastated when mom & I ca no longer call each other before going to bed to say "good night."💔
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my wife diagnosed 3 yrs ago mild dementia, she is now 78 does everything to take care of herself but hasn’t cooked in yrs no driving , short memory has gotten worse in last few months. Tired a lot and gets confused often otherwise not too bad.
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Don't count on the MRI to satisfy your curiosity. You'll learn more from a formal assessment by an experienced neuropsychologist. The Gold standard for diagnosis of dementia is cognitive assessment via interview and tests. This can't be understood within the paradigm of typical medical diagnosis and treatment. Currently medical science has no answer for cause or cure.
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my DW was diagnosed with EO ALZ almost 4 years ago. She has always been rather social and somewhat talkative. I am not that surprised that she ended up an extreme talker as the disease progressed. I would have been more surprised if she ended up being one of the silent ones. However, I expect everyone eventually progresses to the silent phase.
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I'm new to this group, so I'll try to keep my comment on target.
My wife is also late Stage 4 or early Stage 5. I've seen exactly the same behavior. I'll come into the bedroom and find her sitting at her makeup table staring vacantly into space. At another time she will try to start a conversation about something and give up because she either can't come up with the words or has forgotten her original thought. These symptoms are variable, which I think is the ebb and flow of her disease.
I don't want her to give up trying, so when she can't finish a thought that she started I encourage her to not try too hard, but to come back to me when she can remember better.
Yes. This is lonely. Our wives are not fully there any more. I wept today for the first time in a long time as I started to recognize the reality of our losses.
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@Timmyd ... Thank you for responding, as well as sharing a bit of your wife's personality. My mom is also very social and communicative. I hope that continues a bit longer, though I believe she has already entered stage 5.
@bjt84 … She failed her MMSE test and got her diagnosis. I do not believe any oral interviews are capable of telling us the type of Dementia she has. As far as I am aware, only an MRI, or sadly, an autopsy can show the area of the brain where the atrophy is occurring.😭
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Commonly Used Abbreviations
DH = Dear Husband
DW= Dear Wife, Darling Wife
LO = Loved One
ES = Early Stage
EO = Early Onset
FTD = Frontotemporal Dementia
VD = Vascular Dementia
MC = Memory Care
AL = Assisted Living
POA = Power of Attorney
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