Downsizing with Dementia

LauraCD · July 20

It's been three years since the official diagnosis though it was happening way before that. And I realize I haven't looked back. I haven't looked back at how we were before all of this crept in ever so slowly. And I actually forget who he was sometime back in our lives together when I never imagined anything like this.

And I am now in the middle of moving. Am I insane? Relocating now from New Jersey to California. I do want him to be with his family (our daughters and our 6 grandchildren) while he can still be aware of all that that hopefully can bring in joy.

I am moving like a train going full speed. I plan and check off my to-do list and never stop. I know why I never stop. If I stop I have to see what is going on. If I stop I have to hurt and this hurt is sometimes too big to bear.

This morning I sit here having cried a bit but not enough. Who knew that trying to pack or sort out the kitchen utensils would become so emotionally overwhelming. Do I need this? Should I just trash it and buy new? And it isn't like it used to be anymore about the experience of shopping with the onset of Amazon changing the world.

And I hurt. I hurt for me and I hurt for my husband. I miss him. This disease has taken him away from me. I forget that I miss him. I forget because I am intentionally so busy with everything with this giant move. Taking apart and relocating everything after 32 years. I try to think we had our time. We have outgrown this and we should be happier in the new environment where the weather is ideal and where we will be with people we have so much in common with. I wish I could just cry and spend that crying and then feel better. What do I do with all of these big feelings. And I miss him and I am sorry he is so hurt can confused and frightened.

Thanks for tolerating my ramble again.

Laura

FAHNJL · July 20

I totally relate. From the point three years ago when I finally got her to admit something was wrong and saw a neurologist, until recently, my salvation was my never ending do-list. There was so much to do - the doctors, the tests, navigating her retirement for her, the CELA consultations/documents, my own personal Alzheimer’s research - it was a full-time job. Just when things were slowing down, we were hit by Hurricane Beryl, and the last year was spent recovering from that. Again, more do-lists, which I am starting to realize now was a salvation from having to deal with the elephant in the room. Now, I have no more do-list outside the daily routine of monitoring medications, cooking, lawn care, etc. Now, I have to deal with it.

charley0419 · July 20

I feel for you all and everyone else. I retired month later it started now days consist of dr and taking drives to nowhere just to keep her active. Not anywhere as bad as some , not yet, but it is what it is

Kat63 · July 20

I made a big move almost 4 years ago now after my DH was officially diagnosed with Alz. I moved from Ohio to Texas to be near our daughter and family. Yes it kept me very busy and helped to deal with the situation for a couple of years. In my circumstances it was good we did it then, as my DH has progressed and has been on hospice the last year. My days now consist of caring for his needs and just the every day needs such as light cleaning and cooking. At this moment I am sitting right beside my DH as he naps and it’s not a good day for him and he wants me right beside him. I am happy to be here, comforting him. But at this stage (late stage 6, early 7) a big move and all that goes with it, would not be possible.

Jgirl57 · July 20

It was a lovely and heartfelt ramble. Best wishes for the move. (((HUGS)))

SDianeL · July 21

it’s like grief and comes in waves. As you pack items will cause memories and sadness for what you are losing. I hope the move goes well. Good to do it now rather than later. 💜

Beachfan · July 21

Almost 10 years have passed since we downsized and moved closer to my daughter and her family. We only moved about a half mile across town, but it was a big undertaking since we had to clean out a large old home. The kids were helping one day to go through DH‘s possessions accumulated over 45 years of coaching high school baseball and basketball. DH sat with us as we sorted through plaques, commendations, old scorebooks, pictures, newspaper clippings, all the trappings of a long and storied career. He seemed unfazed by it all; he was well into dementia by that time. At one point, he left the room, and I found him outside pacing in the yard, crying quietly, and whispering over and over, “I was a good person. I was a good person.” It broke my heart, but sadder still was the sight of my son, a battle hardened retired Marine Colonel, holding his dad and crying right along with him. DH is gone over two years now, but some memories still cut like a knife. Best wishes. Nothing about this disease is easy. 💕

Downsizing with Dementia

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