Another dementia milestone - Mom is moving to memory care

SiberianIris · July 25

It was just 2 years ago that my mother was officially diagnosed with dementia at age 94. I'd estimate she was early stage 4 at the time. A few months later, in October, I made my first post on this forum feeling guilty for "pulling one over" on my mom by conspiring to have the doctor tell her to stop driving.

She's been living in a CCRC since 2018. As her dementia progressed, the CCRC continued to increase caregiver coverage. It was difficult at first, but she's really been a trooper dealing with the changes. A huge help has been Lexapro (for Mom) and all the excellent advice on this forum (for me).

Fast forward to today, Mom is 96 and now in late stage 5. Stage 4 lasted about two years, but she's blown through stage 5 in the past 6 months. She's at the point where she only goes out if someone takes her. She was always a highly social person, so I think she will enjoy being around more people, several who she already knows (if she could remember them).

What she won't enjoy is leaving her beautiful AL apartment and moving into one room, so I am dreading that part.

I'm planning on using a story like "The doctor wants you to spend a few weeks in rehab for intensive physical therapy. It's like a hotel with exercise and a whirlpool." Fortunately she loves going to physical therapy, and she really misses having a bath tub. The doctor recently started her back on PT for her knee, so it's not too far-fetched.

Still, I dread having to once again "pull one over" on Mom to get her in memory care. I'm feeling a heap of guilt all over again even though I know it's the right thing for her. Another milestone on dementia road.

Anonymousjpl123 · July 26

It’s such a hard milestone but hopefully she will adjust and like you said, as a highly social person she may thrive. I was worried sick about my mom going to MC but it was so much better especially when we found the right one. She has friend who are in the same state as her, her peers, and they truly seem to have forged real friendships. They conversations are not the most lucid I have ever heard but everyone keeps track of each other in a weird way.

Your mom will also get a lot more care. This is a very big deal. My mom was just put on hospice and when they sent me a photo of her today, in their morning meeting, I swear she looked healthy, well dressed, and relaxed.

I just told my mom we were going to a better place. She was completely freaked out the first few days but has quickly come to genuinely feel at home there.
This journey is not for the faint of heart good for you for hanging in there.

psg712 · July 26

Hang in there. Everyone has a different journey, but i hope your mom's move will go well. I found my mom to be more upset about the initial move from her home to AL than the later move from AL to MC. There was a Covid infection and hospital stay in that last transition that affected her cognitive function and blunted her memories of AL ... strange how crises like that can sometimes pave the way for needed transitions.

ARIL · July 26

I hope it goes OK for you and your mom. In my case, this transition was more upsetting for me than for my dad, and the smaller space has been a benefit as the disease has progressed.

A few weeks in at his latest MC, he commented that “this place has made a lot of improvements lately!” It was an entirely different facility. I agreed. :)

Another dementia milestone - Mom is moving to memory care

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