The money is gone!

H1235 · July 25

Mom has been in Al for a year and a half. When we moved her in they said they accepted Medicaid waiver. I was never told family would need to pay the remaining. Partly my fault, I should have asked better questions. The facility is not what I had hoped it would be and I’m not sure how much longer she could safely stay there anyway. Al facilities that don’t require families to pay a portion were absolute dumps. One of the places I toured actually had 10 cats, and it smelled like it too. I have found a nice cnf and they finally have an opening. We will move her next Thursday. We told her about the move today. I guess it could have gone worse. She is not refusing to go, so that’s good. But she is definitely not happy. She has anosognosia bad. She thinks she would be fine to live alone in her house. She is mad we will not take her back so she can go through her things. Tells me she would rather live in her house and die in 3 month than live 3 more years in a nursing home and is angry I won’t respect that. Of course you all know it’s not a matter of her passing peacefully in her sleep from natural causes, she would fall down the steps or burn the house down. She brought up all the ways I have done her wrong. She believes the doctor doesn’t know what they are talking about when they say she can’t live alone. Thinks it’s ridiculous. Even though my brother was there she directed all her anger at me, he can do nothing wrong. She told her brother (no children 80 years old) not to trust me and don’t sign anything for me, because I can’t be trusted. He doesn’t have dementia, but I would be the one to step in if he needs help. I’m running around freaked out and trying to get things around so Medicaid qualification goes well. My brother is useless as usual. I’m concerned she is going to try to pack and bring everything. My brother said it’s her personal stuff that means a lot to her she should be able to decide what she wants to bring. She is a hoarder, she is going to want to bring everything. I am working so hard for her and she hates me. Dementia is awful! Sorry I just needed to rant a bit.

Quilting brings calm · July 25

oh I am so sorry. I know you’ve been working hard to try to get her house ready to sell. Hoarding makes that a very slow process unless you can accept just having professionals clear it all out. Plus that probably means you pay them and they get to keep the stuff and sell it for their profit too.

MimiDIL · July 25

This is so tough!Your CNN most likely has parameters about what and how much can be in the room. I’m so, so sorry about your brother.

if you live in a larger area, there may be house cleaners who will do this as a ministry. My daughter and I just finished the upstairs of a house for a gentleman who is in the early stages of dementia. He did give us permission to throw out the six years of junk mail and newspapers that had accumulated. We sorted personal belongings into various boxes and labeled them. I think since they’re boxed up, he’ll be ready to part ways with them when he goes to the VA center here in town. We don’t charge for this…and we put in over 100 man hours of cleaning. I think he did give my daughter some money but nothing like what is charged when we do deep cleans of houses. But I think it helped him keep his dignity intact as he can still drive and is at the point where there is repetition in speech but is otherwise functional. For now. Other house cleaners will do this as well in other cities.

Anonymousjpl123 · July 25

this sounds so very stressful! That said, your hard work finding a good place will pay off. I know right now it’s awful. I think those of us who do the caretaking (whether it’s living at home or a facility) get the brunt of the anger. Hang in there. Sending positive vibes all goes as well as possible with the move.

easy23 · July 25

What an eye-opener! I have never heard of having to pay the balance of the bill after Medicaid pays. Good luck with the long term facility!

weareallunique · July 26

What is a "cnf" I can't find it in the Alz list or google .

Quilting brings calm · July 26

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/248886#Comment_248886

Medicaid waiver is a program where Medicaid will pay for certain services provided by a facility, but not for the facility room itself. It comes into play for facilities other than skilled nursing homes.

ARIL · July 26

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/248888#Comment_248888

I think SNF is meant: skilled nursing facility

ARIL · July 26

So sorry about all the fracas! You are doing good work, and yes, the disease is dreadful. Hang in there. Rant as much as you need to. You are among friends.

H1235 · July 26

Sorry i did mean skilled nursing facility. She lived with my brother for a year but he works second shift and is really oblivious to her needs, so that’s why we moved her to assisted living. She has made the comment more than once that her worst nightmare would be to live with me (doesn’t exactly give me warm fuzzy feelings). It is such a shame Medicaid won’t pay for assisted living in my state. Thank you all for being here.

The money is gone!

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