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DIL2013
DIL2013 Member Posts: 1 Member
in Caring for a Parent
Hello, I am the 40-something daughter in law of a PWD. I cook for her and my FIL at least once a week (he is is her primary caregiver). Meals at our house, meals at their other child's home and meals out. All their lives, the boys (her only children) and husband were and still are MAJOR "ball-busters" - for lack of a better term - and they drive me nuts arguing with her or constantly correcting her. I have been around this disease a lot by-proxy as my mother is a nurse who always worked in elder care. I understand this is the worst thing you can do to a PWD. I can see her physically and mentally shut down (she used to give it right back to them before the diagnosis). I am the youngest of all the children involved and I am wondering how to get them to stop. It's not funny like it used to be, she can't follow the jokes and it provokes anger in her and even mild violence like a swat on the arm. Is there anything I can say or do to try and inspire them to just agree with her and move on?

Comments

  • SusanB-dil
    SusanB-dil Member Posts: 1,476
    1000 Comments 250 Likes 100 Care Reactions Third Anniversary
    Member

    Hi DIL2013 - welcome to 'here', but sorry for the reason.

    Do the guys realize her diagnosis, and the gravity of it? It doesn't sound like it. And yes, you are totally correct that this isn't good for her. Since it is their habit, it may be a bit difficult to get them to stop. Not sure how, but has anyone really spoken to them about how this teasing is now hurting her? They need to know that her brain is broken and she doesn't 'get it' any longer.

    Can her husband (after he realizes the real situation), and you, intervene and redirect the situation when this stuff comes up for her? You can also offer her reassurance and comfort, and validate her feelings, which might help her.

    So sorry you are dealing with 'this'…

  • H1235
    H1235 Member Posts: 1,148
    1000 Comments 250 Insightfuls Reactions 250 Likes 100 Care Reactions
    Member

    You might be able to find an Alzheimer’s workshop at a local hospital or church. This site could probably help you find one. The problem is you would then need them to go. The need to learn more about how to interact with a pwd. Would they watch you-tube videos, there are a lot of great ones out there. I have added a simple do’s and don’t sheet and a very good article about dementia. The problem is some people just don’t get it.

    image.png
    understanding-the-dementia-experience.pdf

    I hope you can find some way to get through to them.

  • Anonymousjpl123
    Anonymousjpl123 Member Posts: 814
    250 Care Reactions 500 Comments 100 Likes Second Anniversary
    Member

    I think a lot of people really don’t understand how profound the changes are from someone with dementia/alz. They don’t realize how much the person has changed, can’t handle the same things.

    Have you all ever been to an in person Alzheimer’s support group? It can be SO helpful to hear other families coping. They may “get it” hearing about others and how things need to change.

Commonly Used Abbreviations


DH = Dear Husband
DW= Dear Wife, Darling Wife
LO = Loved One
ES = Early Stage
EO = Early Onset
FTD = Frontotemporal Dementia
VD = Vascular Dementia
MC = Memory Care
AL = Assisted Living
POA = Power of Attorney
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