I can’t help this pain I feel

53roses · August 5

I miss my husband and he’s laying right next to me. About 6 months ago, my husband started forgetting we were married about once a week. Then about 3 months ago he started telling me he doesn’t want to be involved with anyone about once every 1-2 weeks. It doesn’t usually last long but every time I wonder if it will last forever. Is this the day he forgets me? We had a great couple weeks. Then tonight, just minutes apart, he says “I love you very much. And I’ll always love you” and seconds later says “I don’t want to be in a relationship with anyone. I thought I loved you but I didn’t” My husband tells me he loves me at least once an hour. I fall asleep in his arms every night. But not tonight. He’s sleeping and I have tears running down my face. He’s forgotten most of the details of our life together but he remembers that he’s loved me for a very long time. Hearing him say he doesn’t tears the heart right out of me. I know this is terrible but last week, my primary said I had an abnormal ekg during my annual physical and my blood pressure was elevated for the first time. She wants me to see a cardiologist. My husband is 13 years older then me. And he has dementia. I don’t want to “fix” anything with me so I don’t want to see a cardiologist. I know that’s wrong but it’s just how I feel. He’s my whole world.

Joyful Heart · August 5

My heart goes out to you. Your heart issues could be as simple as the massive stress you're under. I had someone recommend breath work to me as a means to help with my stress and I can see how it may be helpful. It won't change what your husband is saying or make it more acceptable to you. But you may be better equipped to handle the hurt and stress that are coming from these massive changes in your relationship.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3qiwOvlIO0w

SDianeL · August 5

so sorry. I know it hurts. Remember it’s the disease. He may not remember details but he knows you are someone he loves. Please take care of yourself. What would happen to him if something happened to you? Praying for your strength. Hugs. 💜

Karen711 · August 5

Dear 53roses- I agree with joyful heart, your cardiac issues could absolutely be stress related and fixable! My stress levels have wreaked havoc with my blood pressure- I’ve gone from high blood pressure (under control with meds) , to low blood pressure ( too low! controlled by meds) and now labile (both high and low, not under control yet but getting there, with meds). The meds help, BUT, finally the thing that has stabilized my stress level and helped me cope with the stress more than anything is functional breathing exercises designed to re-regulate and balance out the parasympathetic nervous system (fright and flight). I practice 10 minutes twice a day. I can feel a difference when I don’t stick to that routine. (Let me know if you want to know more). Diane is right, your husband knows you are someone he loves. Consider trying to care for yourself the way he would had he not been afflicted with this terrible disease. He needs you, and you deserve to learn you are stronger than you know!!! Please get to the cardiologist! Sending you a hug 💜

53roses · August 5

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/249737#Comment_249737

thank you for your kind words. . For right now, I just don’t want to fix anything. In a strange way I’m happy that I may not be ok. I feel like I can cintinue to take care of my husband. If that changes I’ll get to a doctor because he’s my only concern. Breathing exercises or anything that will help me so I can help him sounds like something that would be good for me.

53roses · August 5

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/249733#Comment_249733

Thank you. I’ll look into breathing exercises. I’ve never been able to concentrate before but I’ll try.

Biggles · August 5

oh 53roses it’s the saddest most sole destroying hideous disease of all. It breaks your heart time and time again. I am in a better place since I found this site and have been able to share every thought, feeling, fears and tears. You can vent big time and get heartfelt responses and realise that you are not alone. I wrote poetry and cried buckets of tears while my DH was sleeping during the day. It helped so much. I now play soft romantic music from Rod Stuart, the Andrew’s Sisters, David Campbell and Michael Bouble, it helps to remind me of the man I used to know, helps me to be kind and gentle in these tough times. My DH loves the music too and occasionally we shuffle in the kitchen (with tears silently pouring down my face). Eat chocolate together, make pancakes don’t give up it must be so scary and awful to be in their situation. Take care and come here often and share and vent. You are not alone.

Joyful Heart · August 5

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/249745#Comment_249745

I get what you're saying. My "hack" on that is to listen to the instructions and treat them as if they're the only thing that will save you at that moment. I've had a very rough several months and yesterday was a doozy. But somehow I did manage to make it through the breathing exercises and I do feel better. I'm going to try morning and night with the same video to try to keep my nervous system in check.

I can’t help this pain I feel

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