Need advice/support on next steps

cdgbdr · August 8

DH is Stage 5 moving to 6. He is pretty good in the morning but gets confused and has sun downing in the afternoon/evening along with some delusions and hallucinations. He can be agitated and angry at times but that is not frequent at this time.

I still work full time and had a companion with him who abruptly quit a few weeks ago. DH didn't like him and it reached a point it wasn't working. I found another girl that he likes, but she is calling off sick and wanting to change her hours from what was agreed upon. I believe she's sick right now. I had to come home from work today and advised her to stay home tomorrow and let me know by Sunday if she could work next week.

Anyway, I toured a nearby facility that I liked a couple weeks ago. They require 2 years private pay before accepting Medicaid. I submitted the financials last week and spoke with the CFO today. He was approved financially and there's no reason he wouldn't be approved based on his clinical condition.

I'm thinking that unless the caregiver gets on an even keel next week, I would move him to memory care.

I need/want to keep working, and I don't want to fiddle around with flakey caregivers.

I'm struggling with this. I think about it everyday. He doesn't always know where he is or that we're married.

Is this a reasonable approach? Right now the MC has availability. It's a bit of a gamble but I'm trying not to overreact to the current situation.

I have learned so much from all of you! Thank you!

CindiEC · August 8

it is reasonable and you are not overreacting. You will have less stress and worry knowing he is being cared for.
I hope everything works out.

CindyBum · August 8

I support you in your decision.

I was able to retire, because it was unsustainable to work full-time and be a caregiver, and my DW wasn't as far along as you DH. I feel lucky I could swing it, because it is not sustainable at all to do both, in my opinion.

Best of luck to you. He will be well cared for.

SDianeL · August 8

if you are not willing or able to retire then I think MC is the best decision for both of you. Soon he will need 24/7 care and it’s extremely difficult and expensive to do that at home. I don’t think I would wait another week if the caregiver you hired is already not dependable. You will still be making sure he is well cared for in a facility. We understand it’s a difficult decision. You’re doing it for him, not to him. 💜

H1235 · August 8

I think it is perfectly reasonable. Even if this girl works out, what happens when she abruptly quits. Or the next time she needs time off. If mc doesn’t have an opening at that time you could be in a pinch. Mc will have a trained staff, there will be people his age to talk with and you don’t have to worry if someone is going to show up so you can go to work each day.

cdgbdr · August 8

I sat on this overnight, read your responses and talked with a friend this morning. I called the admissions director and left a message that I would like to move ahead. That was 4 hours ago, no call yet. One week ago they had 2 units available. Fingers crossed that hasn't changed.

midge333 · August 8

@cdgbdr : I think you are doing the right thing. Most of us wait too long before placing our loved ones. I hope there is still a bed available.

cdgbdr · August 8

They still have availability. I have eval for him with their nurse next Thursday. I sent the paperwork to our NP today. She may want to see him to complete it. Will await the answer. Will keep you all posted.

Need advice/support on next steps

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