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mwoolley
mwoolley Member Posts: 3
First Comment
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in Caring For a Spouse or Partner

My 75 year old wife was recently diagnosed with FTD. I am 77 myself and in compromised physical health due to my Vietnam war injuries. We sold our home and moved into a retirement facility which made life less complicated. But the issues I face caring for my wife are almost more than I can manage. I do not dare leave her alone for fear she will wander off and get lost. She has lucid moments, though those are getting fewer and farther between. I feel committed to caring for her and guilty for complaining that I have no life of my own. I have read around six books on caring for dementia affected loved ones and have gained a few tips. It is exhausting. Advice is welcomed!

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  • charley0419
    charley0419 Member Posts: 490
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    I understand my wife diagnosed 3 yrs ago she 78 and I’m the same. I’m in pretty good shape but my biggest fear is if anything happens to me and I don’t even mean dying , she wouldn’t be able to function alone. Doesn’t book or drive gets confused but much better then most , I realize it will come but don’t want to dwell on it. It is what it is. Just get all your legal stuff in order. And if your hoping family will step in good luck with that.

  • Chris20cm
    Chris20cm Member Posts: 70
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    Member
    https://alzconnected.org/discussion/73748/reposting

    My DW was diagnosed 8 years ago and I know what you mean about wanting a life of your own. The shadowing, sundowning, repetition, paranoia are daily fare and frustrating. I have read and studied and done all sorts of research on the disease. I suggest two sources that could be big game changers for situations like yours and mine, the insights are worth taking action on:

    Travels to Unimaginable Lands by Dasha Kiper

    Any of the videos and offerings by Dr Natali Edmonds. YouTube has some good ones.

  • Russinator
    Russinator Member Posts: 265
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    I'm 82. DW is 72. Dementia sucks!!!

  • Stan2
    Stan2 Member Posts: 127
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    We're in the same boat. I'm 75 she is 77. She can take care of her personal needs but not much else. I am exhausted.

  • JeriLynn66
    JeriLynn66 Member Posts: 1,209
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    @harshedbuzz

  • CindyBum
    CindyBum Member Posts: 474
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    Well, my advice is to give up the guilt. This caregiving business is hard enough without carrying guilt over your honest and understandable feelings.

    Does you assisted living facility have a memory care unit? You could move her there, but still be close by for visits?

  • SDianeL
    SDianeL Member Posts: 1,932
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    welcome to the place for info and support. So sorry about your wife. Sadly, soon your wife will require 24/7 care. The options are: family help, hire help or place her in a memory care facility. Very few people can care for their spouse without help. As you already know, It’s mentally and physically exhausting. Short term, look up your county agency on aging and see if there is a day care for seniors. That would give you respite and time for yourself and to rest. I would start looking into a Plan B now for Memory Care options. We understand what you are going through. It’s important to make sure she is well cared for. Whatever your decision, you are doing for her, not to her. Hugs. 💜

  • mwoolley
    mwoolley Member Posts: 3
    First Comment
    Member

    Our retirement community does have a memory care section. The thought of moving into it is a bit horrifying. It requires a special pass key to enter and to leave. I would feel like living in a prison if we moved into it. That may be our only option as her condition worsens.

  • harshedbuzz
    harshedbuzz Member Posts: 5,537
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    @mwoolley

    Glad to see you over here.

    We had 2 members of our IRL support group who love in continuing care retirement communities with a spouse who developed dementia. When their spouses needed to be placed because of the care they required, they moved the PWD to memory care while the spouse stayed in an IL or Al apartment on the same campus.

    This allowed the spouse a space to take care of their own needs and even do some activities with other residents and friends but also allowed them to drop in easily on their spouse. One of the men took his wife on a walk to the pool to swim laps most mornings and he brought her to dinner in the main dining room most nights at first. As she progressed, he had his dinner in the MCU with her. The other brought his wife to a couple activities they'd done together (choir and "honorary grandparents day" at the attached day care center) or go on the van into town to shop.

    HB

Commonly Used Abbreviations


DH = Dear Husband
DW= Dear Wife, Darling Wife
LO = Loved One
ES = Early Stage
EO = Early Onset
FTD = Frontotemporal Dementia
VD = Vascular Dementia
MC = Memory Care
AL = Assisted Living
POA = Power of Attorney
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