The conflicting emotions...

The past two weeks have been a continual decline. My DH is sleeping more each day.

A month ago, DH started each day with a quarter mile walk with the walker at sunrise, and we could take car rides and go for wheelchair walks at a local park.

Three weeks ago, the anxiety of the car overwhelmed him, so we just did his short walk with the walker and then a wheelchair walk around the golf course in our neighborhood.

Two weeks ago, he decided he didn't want to walk with the walker in the morning, but he was happy to go on the wheelchair walk. It was great exercise for me and good for the soul to be out of the house for an hour each morning.

This week he no longer wants to leave the house at all. He is also going to bed earlier and staying longer, sleeping 12-13 hours, and then napping 2-4 hours during the day.

He is so happy and calm right now. I am grateful for days when he has dignity and is loved. He is eating well but now double incontinent.

I know I should be thankful that this is such a peaceful month, no agitation or pain.

But I don't want to lose him so fast. What morning will he awaken and just not want to get out of bed ever again? My heart is breaking while I'm thankful for his peace.

I know many of you understand my conflicting emotions in a way no one else could...