POA financial decisions

Merla · August 14

I'm the POA/trustee for my parent. The legal documents say that all costs related to care of the person will be paid by the parent.

I live out of state. Flying out there is a significant cost for me and flying out as a family is prohibitively expensive. My husband was laid off a few months ago and my job is at risk.

Flying out to visit and try to better coordinate care is an indirect cost. Does this qualify as an expense related to care for a legal perspective? I want to be sure I'm in full compliance with the law but she would dramatically benefit from me visiting and it's very hard for me to leave my family due to a child going through some significant time sensitive issues. I'm not at all worried about spending money she will need for memory care or caregivers. She is going through a bit of crisis right now.

H1235 · August 14

My mom lives an hour from me. Some of her appointments were another hour drive from there. I have always charged her mileage from her Al to the appointment and back, but I never charged for the drive from my house to hers. Then I drive to clean out her house which is an hour away. Again I do not charge mileage. When we first got the DPOA the lawyer said I could get mileage reimbursed, but I never clarified what was eligible. Unfortunately I have probably spent thousands in gas without reimbursement. I should have followed up with the lawyer. That is what I would recommend you do. I wouldn’t think you could for a visit, but maybe to coordinate care. If you do I would document all meeting you had (dates, times, place, who you met with etc.).

ARIL · 3:18AM

I echo the advice for you to consult with an elder law attorney asap. It is my impression that the law on POAs varies by state, and of course how the POA document is written determines what’s legal. Then there is the matter of definition and interpretation: Is airfare for you a “cost related to care” of your parent? You’ll want legal advice on that. Perhaps you can consult the person who drew up the POA originally?

Merla · 3:29AM

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/250593#Comment_250593

yeah maybe I will try to look online to see if I can find some guidance or consult a lawyer so I can feel very confident in any expense. I am very conservative so like you have paid myself everything that isn't 100% totally obvious that should be paid by my parent though it seems like some of this could be considered indirect expenses.

Merla · 3:35AM

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/250605#Comment_250605

yeah I think it's a legal question that I wish I had gotten total clarity on when I was in contact with the lawyer. Right now I just pay for any indirect expense myself but this is a major limiting factor for often I can visit and when. I didn't anticipate her valuing my visits so much and I am now her go to person which I hadn't been. And I hadn't anticipated the very real possibility of both my husband and I being unemployed at thr same time which would make airfare luxury item

ARIL · 4:02AM

I’m so sorry about the job precarity. What a tough situation. My job is stable for now, but my employer just cut 425 positions, and even people who kept their jobs are understandably worried.

Like you, I have covered costs myself for everything for my parent that it not totally obvious as an expense of care: supplies, facility fees, medical bills, etc. But I know someone who handles her POA duties much differently.

JulietteBee · 4:54AM

I would strongly suggest consulting with an Elder Law Attorney. Unless the reason for YOUR visit is precisely documented with receipts, dates of doctors' visits, etc. you could run mom afoul of Medicaid 5-year look back period. In my state, airfare for you AND your family to fly out would be viewed as a personal gift.

Merla · 5:48AM

Yeah for now I'm just paying for it everything myself but I would like to hear from a lawyer what they exactly expenses related to care entail. For example when I visit, I pay for everything ie meals at restaurants in part because I don't know where that line is drawn. My parent would want to go out to eat and not stay at memory care for meals. Or when I flew out to accompany my mom to a drs visit to get diagnosed since she wanted to choose her dr. I paid for my flight but could I have expensed it? She most definitely could not have flown on her own.

I just feel stressed out about my upcoming trip where I had to buy an expensive ticket because it was last minute but I felt compelled to do so because my parent is in crisis mode and I want to squeeze a trip in before the school year starts.

So far my family hasn't visited her yet in memory care since it isn't in our budget this year but hopefully next year is different. I also don't even know if it's totally worth it for the whole family to visit.

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Merla · 5:56AM

I really just need to talk with a lawyer but was interested in what other people do or have been told to do by lawyers. I am a letter of the law type of person bc I don't want problems down the line but it's also a loss if I could have visited her more frequently and made her life better but didn't because I didn't consult a lawyer to understand the parameters of poa and unfortunately was going through hardship when she needed me.

I also wonder if perhaps I shouldn't be springing into action when I see a crisis . No one knows how to handle her right now.

H1235 · 10:33AM

When it comes to going out to lunch I try to pay for our meals separately. I pay for her with her money, I pay mine with mine. It’s a pain in the but. She would sometimes tell me she wants to pay for mine ( I have all her money and cards). I mentioned that I couldn’t do that (gifting) and she got furious. “Its my money I can do whatever I want with it.” Now if there is a way to pay separately without her seeing I do it, if not I just let her believe she paid for everything and I actually pay.

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