How to treat impending trauma?

Shan456 · August 17

Alzheimer's seems to take the whole family down. What are the ways to avoid that?

I've been watching self-help videos about treating trauma. The videos I've come across address past trauma and how it impacts your physical and mental well-being.

But what about those of us who are walking towards trauma? We're in the midst of trauma, and we know we're going to face more and worse situations? I'm at the beginning of my caretaker role, and I'm already feeling the mental and physical affects.

Any insight or tips?

Mitsu2 · August 17

What helps me the most right now are zoom classes with an exercise instructor I really like, since I had to give up going to the gym. It's functional fitness for older adults on two days, and other days it's gentle yoga and tai chi. I really feel like the focused activity helps me calm my nervous system down after stressful situations, and I want to make sure I maintain at least a basic level of fitness.

I know this isn't for everyone, but I love dogs and have two large ones, which is a lot of work. But I find that their unconditional, steady affection helps me cope with my husband's erratic moods and agitation.

I'd like to try therapy but I don't have any privacy to do virtual sessions and can't go to in-person appointments.

I wish I had more to offer, but I'm just figuring this out day to day.

RetiredTeacher · August 18

One thing I have learned in this journey is we need to take care of ourselves. When a spouse has dementia we go into "caretaker all about them mode". It's natural, the way most of us our wired, wanting to honor our commitment till death us do part BUT what we don't always realize is if we don't take care of our physical, spiritual and emotional health, we are actually harming our loved ones. We can't be our best for them if we don't prioritize ourselves first. I am still able to get an early morning walk most days and get out once a week for 3-4 hrs. When he gets worse I will find a way to hire someone 1-2 days a week so I can continue to take care of my health and live for a few hours outside of dementia world. Find a way to take care of yourself, if you don't this disease may take both of you.

SDianeL · August 18

I just read something today that said try to live in the moment and find moments of joy and happiness. The person was a caregiver. I think you also posted something similar. My wise Mom told me once to not cross bridges until you come to them. That really helped me. I didn’t think of the things as trauma. I saw them as challenges. The more you learn about caregiving the more you will be able to get through the challenges. Many things that would have been difficult weren’t because of what I learned here. Knowledge enabled me to be proactive to prevent problems and prepared me on how to handle things that came up. Many nights I came here with questions that helped me the next day. Even if it was support and coping mechanisms. The other thing you need is respite help so you can take a weekly break. Even a few hours enables you to regroup so you can handle what comes next. Also have a Plan B for in home care or memory care. Don’t wait. 💜

H1235 · August 19

Excellent question. My doctor prescribed a mild anti anxiety medication and suggested I try to get some exercise daily. Even just go for a walk. If you have people in your life that are making things difficult, overly critical or just don’t get it, I would consider limiting contact. Find something you enjoy doing and make sure you give yourself a bit of time with it each day. I also think it’s important to have realistic expectations for yourself. You can’t do it all and you’re going to make mistakes, that ok! Its also important to learn all you can about dementia. Your approach and how you handle various things can make a world of difference. For example knowing and understanding you should never argue with a person with dementia. Learn to pick your battles. Without knowledge and some understanding of dementia and what is to come, I would feel like I’m fumbling around in the dark. I guess I sometimes feel that way anyway, but I still think it helps. SDaineL’s suggestion for a plan B is also good. Without it you may suddenly find yourself in a very stressful and difficult situation. I think just being prepared the best you can with everything (legal documents, finances, steps that may pose a problem, a shower that needs a grab bar, de clutter things that may become a tripping hazard, where to go for in home aids when needed). Plug away at these things a bit at a time before they become a huge problem. Be proactive.

How to treat impending trauma?

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