Why do they have to be so angry?

pmiles1124 · August 17

My husband has had alzy for 4 years. He is so verbally abusive to me. Like telling me I'm fat, I'm not good enough. He loves to see me get mad when he says these things. I use to talk back, however that doesn't work. So now I don't respond. Is this normal?

BPS · August 17

I think it depends on the stage but maybe he is mad at his condition and life and don't know how to express it so he lashes out at the closes one. Sometimes a person is in a bad mood over something else but somebody has to pay. A guy gets yelled at by his boss comes home in a bad mood yells at his wife making her in a bad mood so she yells at the kid making him in a bad mood so he kicks the dog. someone has to pay.

Biggles · August 17

Dealing with this horrible behaviour and disease is down right difficult challenging and awful. Excusing it with their reasoner is gone doesn’t help in the time of crisis even though it’s correct. All I know is two people feeling bad and angry and perhaps yelling at each other is exhausting. Our loved ones are confused and probably scared finding a solution to calm things down is our challenge not answering back or trying to reason with them. I have found facial expressions are important smile even though you may be seething inside, intonation too is important not what you say but the way that you say it. It is like dealing with an obstinate child. Whatever it’s hard good luck.

SDianeL · August 18

welcome. Sorry for the reason you are here. It’s the Alzheimer’s talking, not him. Anxiety and agitation is common in dementia. Contact his doctor and ask about anti anxiety medication. Read the book “The 36 Hour Day” which helped me after my husband’s diagnosis. Search online for dementia caregiving videos. Tam Cummings and Teepa Snow have some good ones. Learn all you can so you can help him. Arguing does no good. I learned this here: “you can’t reason with someone whose reasoner is broken” Come here often for info and support or to vent. We understand what you’re going through. Hugs. 💜

sandwichone123 · August 19

His behavior is unfortunately very common, and not responding is a very good response. While they are not really reasonable, the ability to read emotions lasts for a long time.

H1235 · August 19

Welcome. My mom is not verbally abusive, but she seem to take joy in my problems. She has even said it serves you right for what you are doing to me. What she believes I am doing to her is taking away the car, her home, her access to her money, her independence…. A person with dementia also lacks a social filter. Everyone says it’s just the dementia (which is probably true), but there is always that nagging feeling that maybe it’s just how she really feels. It plays awful mind games with the person that has dementia as well as the family caring for them. I think this is the worst part about dementia.

Why do they have to be so angry?

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