Went to memory clinic for my dad's mental health, not a positive outcome.

abdin · August 18

Hi, looking for any information, that may help my parents financially? Not sure where to start? For the past almost 8 years, our family has been struggling to keep up with my dad's mental condition. I would say out of the 8 years, the last 4 years has been really stressful. Recently went to a memory clinic, my dad scored really bad results for his memory loss. He got a 7 for this "Montreal cognitive memory test". Where scoring a 22 is the MINIMUM. And on top of that, from this appointment, the staff indicated that my dad will lose his driving license. Which is really going to hurt my parents financially, due just doing the basic needs for driving to the bank to pay general bills, to grocery shopping, to just a simple travel.

The main reason for my dad's mental decline is due to him losing his house about 5 years ago, which just added more stress to my parents. Where my mom is suffering the most from this situation. I am the eldest son, still trying to pay off my student loans. But, whatever money i have left, i just give it to my parents. At the end of the day, i have been trying to look for any business opportunities out there that can help out my parents financially? My mom works at a child daycare center, and she has been doing it for the past 20years. Her goal is to start her own child day care business in a private home, with my dad, and my little brother and his wife. Maybe do that for 3 or 4 years? Because my parents have NO retirement funds. By working in their own private business, my dad gets to do something, since a major part of his memory decline is because of my dad not being able to find work. He is only doing this so he can be financially stable, with my mom.

I apologize of i went a bit too long with my rant, i live in Toronto, Canada. For the past 2years, i have been looking for women's business loans for my mom. But, i just keep getting the run around. At the end of the day, if i can find any business grants or loans for my mom, just to help my parents finally have some sort of retirement plan will go a long way.

H1235 · August 18

Welcome. Sorry you have to be here. I have attached a staging tool. This might give you an idea where he is at, but also where he is headed. Unfortunately it’s pretty ugly. I agree with weareallunique. I can’t imagine how someone with dementia could help with a day care business. Not only that I can’t imagine how your mom could have a daycare business and care for your dad. The lack of a social filter is not uncommon, this would not be good around children. Eventually he will need 24 hour supervision. Things like leaving the stove on, wondering down the street, arguing about things he wants to do but is not capable of, demanding answers to the same questions over and over and over. In the us we have Medicaid for low income families. Is there something similar in Canada? You may need to consider a facility for him so your mom will be able to continue working. I’m guessing there would be a waiting list for this. I would look into it and get him on the list even if you think he is not ready. By the time there is an opening you may need it for him. I would also recommend that all legal matters are addressed. In the us you would need a durable power of attorney document. This would allow you or your mom to act on his behalf when he is not able to make decisions for himself. A living will states what he would want as far as life saving measures. (Dnr, feeding tube, cancer treatment…) If money is an issue you might find a local agency that offers a free service, worst case I have heard of people printing a template out online and then getting it notarized. I don’t know what you would need in Canada. Most people with dementia are not able to recognize their own symptoms or limitations. This is called anosognosia. It makes things very difficult. He will probably never admit to needing help or the need to go to a home.

JJ401 · August 18

Your dad scored a 7 on the MoCA. He should not be driving. He is an accident waiting to happen. As others have said, your dad cannot help with a day care. Your mom cannot run a day care for young children and supervise him (at a 7, he needs supervision) at the same time.

You need to look at what resources are available in the area of Canada they live. He was tested at a memory clinic. Do they have a social.worker on staff who can help you? Does he have a primary doctor whose office may be able to point you to where help is available?

Dementia changes retirement plans. Whatever they were before, is no more. You, and your mom, now need to figure out what help is locally available to help.

Went to memory clinic for my dad's mental health, not a positive outcome.

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