How much do they know

blacksparky · August 15

Hi I’m a regular contributor to the spouse caregiving group, but have a question that maybe some that has EOAD can answer for me. My DW was diagnosed at 53 with EOAD and is now 56 and solidly in stage 5 with signs of entering stage 6. She sits and cries a lot during the day saying that she doesn’t want to be this way and asks why can’t I remember. I’m curious how much she actually knows during this time or is it impossible for her to know.

eaglemom · August 18

I'm sorry no ones responded to your question. It's probably because no one knows the answer. What I will say is that possibly you need to engage your wife in some activities to at least let her feel like she's 'helping' you. Be it setting the table, folding towels, sweeping the patio, etc - give her a job she can successfully complete. She know she's forgetting things and she's scared.

Do you all participate in any support groups? If not I would encourage it. She will be able to chat with others just like her. If her entire day (you know what I mean by that, not literally of course) is sitting she is getting some anxiety. You might want to mention this to her neurologist. Frankly, its nothing bad or out of the ordinary, but if she can successfully do something rather than being nervous about what she can't do, she needs to be busy. Does she have a hobby? Encourage that.

eagle

sdredfern · August 23

I'm new to this group after having just been officially diagnosed with AD, and I don't believe I'm at the stage where your wife is. However my Mom is likely at the same stage and what seems to work is getting her out. As Eaglemom says, sitting around only allows those of us with AD to spiral into the fear and feeling of uselessness. Though my mom will say that she can't remember anything and is "too stupid" (her words not mine) to interact with friends, when she does get together with people she functions quite normally. Sure, she repeats herself or asks the same question a number of times, but we have wonderful conversations, and I hope she enjoys those times of normalcy as well.

To answer your main question - In the short time since I got diagnosed, I all of a sudden don't feel as confident in anything I do, and I know it's not because I have lost any capability in that time. This disease can suck the confidence and self-worth out of someone if it's allowed to. I've always been supremely self-confident but also self-aware of my limitations. Over the last 5 years as my MCI has progressed to AD, I do realize what I used to be able to do that I no longer can, but I also recognize where I'm allowing myself to give up when there's no reason to and I work hard to break out of that funk. At least for me, what can be absolutely maddening is that I can often visualize what I want to say but not be able to verbalize it. I don't feel that I actually know or remember less yet, but it's getting harder to recall it and verbalize it at will. Peace my friend.

Bobscape · August 23

These words are so true: “This disease can suck the confidence and self-worth out of someone if it's allowed to.”

How much do they know

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