Moving Mom

mtheodorakakos · August 22

My sister and I are getting things ready in my mom's new room in Memory care. She will be moving in on the 2nd. Any advice from those that have already moved their parent? What things did you find helpful? What didn't go so great? Necessary items for the room? Any advice would be helpful!

H1235 · August 22

I would check to see if they label clothes. If not you should. I would recommend clothes that are easy on and off and that mix and match easily. Also only things that can go through the normal washer and dryer. I would avoid any white. I also wouldn’t worry about any holiday specific clothing, unless you plan to rotate it with the seasons. I think keep decor simple to start, you can always bring more in. Avoid bringing things that are valuable. Ask admin if there is anything that is not allowed. I would avoid including her in the decision making regarding what goes as much as possible. It would be too overwhelming for her and you never know what she would want to bring. My brother insisted mom could decide what she needs and that I had no right to go through the boxes she packed. It was a nightmare. I would have someone bring her there for lunch or an activity and others actually move things. I hope the move goes well.

ARIL · August 23

In a MC room, less is more. Don’t overcrowd the room with furniture or objects. H1235 has given great advice, which I echo. Label clothes, and if there is any item whose loss would upset you, keep it at your home. My parent is in MC. I cycle clothes between the MC room and my home, to keep numbers of things in the closet at MC down.

A favorite item is a digital picture frame that can be set to go off at night. Also some familiar quilts and a few pieces of furniture that are also talking points: “I really like your dresser. I think you bought that at X store in Y town when I was in elementary school.” That sort of thing.

The MCF will have rules for furnishings, and they have a lot of experience helping residents move in and get settled. Ask their advice beforehand.

In my case, I was able to set up the room the day before taking my parent to the MCF. On the move-in day, we went to lunch and then just drove to the place and went in. The staff helped. I still refer to the room as “this apartment you are renting.” It works, and it’s close enough to true.

SDianeL · August 23

the memory care my DH was in said no picture frames except flat plastic ones. Nothing with corners that can injure if thrown. If you provide a chair make sure it’s fake leather or plastic not upholstered. We made my DH 2 small picture books of family members and put names and relationships underneath. A blanket or throw and a couple of favorite things. I hope the move goes well and your Mom settles in quickly.

CaliforniaGirl-1 · September 2

Don't bring anything that you will be upset if it gets damaged or destroyed. Occasionally as their condition changes PWD dementia can become agitated or decide that they don't recognize people in the photos and or albums and take them apart for some unknown reason.

And give your LO time to get acclimated. The MC where my LO is, asks you to stay away for a week or so in order for them to get used to it.

I can only say, and I say this because you are no doubt feeling upset and possibly guilty, like all of us, MC has been really good for my LO. Not instantly and not always, but by and large. She is treated with kindness and respect, like an independent member of community with individual likes and dislikes whose tastes and wishes should be acknowledged, even now as she is declining. She made friends at the beginning and would confide in me about the goings on, "so and so are sweethearts". She is surrounded by people she kind of recognizes and feels safe. Unfortunately no amount of great care and love can hold back the inevitable decline that comes with the disease and age.

mtheodorakakos · September 12

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/251297#Comment_251297

Thank you so much for this. It is very helpful.

mtheodorakakos · September 12

I love the idea of the digital frame. That would be perfect. I also like referring it to the apartment she rents. We are probably going to tell her that dad is going into a rehab—he has in own medical stuff going on—and that won't surprise her and knowing she won't be alone while he is "away" will be calming for her. Thank you!

mtheodorakakos · September 12

Thank you

mtheodorakakos · September 12

Thank you for your kind words. It is really hard and yes, I feel completely guilty about moving her into MC vs being able to stay home or move in with my sister or I. I would love to be able to keep her at home, but it is just not safe.

Moving Mom

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