Just went to the hospital HELP

Eloise, I am so relieved to read this. PLEASE, do not take him home. Insist on another disposition, perhaps geriatric psych, or SNF. Your well being is important. You both deserve safety, peace and care. I am hoping for the best outcome for both of you.

They may tell you that he is ready for you to take home and may even tell you that he is being discharged and you have to take him. You don't have to, just keep telling them that you can not care for him at home. Keep refusing and repeating over and over that you can not care for him at home. They will be looking for the easiest rout for them, not what is best for you. When it comes time I think it would be better to not be there in person let them call you. It will be easier (still very hard) over the phone. A family member had to do the same thing. It was not about dementia, but I think it still applies. I hope someone can confirm of deny what I am saying because their case was not in a marriage or dementia related.

When a plan to move my father to memory care blew up and he ended up in a hospital (that lacked a psychiatric clinic) the advisor on the Alzheimer’s Help Line told me to tell the hospital social worker that I did not have a “Safe Discharge”. Apparently a hospital cannot release a patient that doesn’t have a safe place to go. Talk to the social worker about your options.

The hospital agreed to put him in a room with an assistant 24 hours a day for 3 days. That provided me with enough time to find a memory care facility that specialized in residents with behavioral issues. Medicare may or may not pay for the room and 24 hour care/observation.

Fortunately he got good care at MC facility and everything worked out well enough until he passed. That was the most difficult weekend of my life.

Good Luck

You are doing the same thing I would do in your position. You asked for help by calling 911; the paramedics suggested he be evaluated in hospital; the hospital admitted him for tests. You are doing the best you can for him and will continue to do so as long as you can safely do so. I think what you have done is the absolute right thing to do and see no need for you to feel guilty.

I know you don't want to make your husband unhappy or go against his wishes, but it is our job to make decisions for our LOs when they lose the ability to make rational decisions. I didn't let my wife drive her car when she wanted, because I knew she couldn't safely do so (she couldn't even start the engine, thank God.)