In hospital and medicine

Can you please start combining your posts by just adding a comment on a previous post you made when it’s the same topic? You are posting a lot of similar questions/ thoughts multiple times a day and it’s easier for us to keep track if it’s in one discussion. He’s in the hospital/ maybe just have one running conversation while he is in there?

I feel like you are in denial of his/your situation. You’ve been scared for your personal safety yet you don’t want the doctors to treat him with the medications and restraints needed to keep you and them safe. There’s not going to be a solution that treats him with medication that does what you want without affecting him. You’ve been scared for your personal safety but want him brought back home where you will be alone with him and he will return to the same behaviors that you are afraid of. We cannot in good conscience agree with you that it would be safe to do so. We don’t lie to people here.

You’ve been burnt out and want a way out. Yet you don’t want the doctors to place him so you can get that way out while still visiting, advocating for him, etc.

Facilities, whether memory care facilities or nursing homes, have an obligation to provide for the safety of all the other residents as well as their staff. This will impact whether they feel they can safely meet the care needs of your husband. As the doctors are introducing medications to manage his agitated and aggressive behavior, they are trying to introduce medications that will not overly sedate him but get him to a condition where these behaviors are more under control. As the disease progresses, medications may need to be increased in dose or even additional ones added or changed. This is why it is likely best for him to be placed in a facility at this time. He will be in a safe environment being cared for by staff who work with people with dementia as their Job. They may also be able to identify what may “trigger” his negative behaviors and avoid them. The setting also provides a predictable schedule for meals, activities, snacks, and bedtime. Although we may feel that this setting makes their world “smaller”, it often helps them feel safe and more able to control their emotions. My approach was always palliative in nature with decisions filtered by the questions: 1. Will this provide for his physical comfort? 2. Will this provide for his emotional comfort? 3. What would he want? Being in an agitated and aggressive state, is not one of emotional comfort for your husband. It also places him at risk for a physical injury if he were to fall during raging. The decisions you make should consider what is best for him as well as for yourself. These are very personal decisions for each person supporting a person with dementia. You know him best; may the healthcare staff support and guide you during this difficult time.

Tell the health care team that you arent able to take DH home as it isn't safe for DH or you. Ensure that social worker or discharge planner/case manager are looped in. Say it over and over and over if needed

Tell them you/they do not have a safe discharge plan then do what Quilting brings calm said… I've gone through this once before with my DH and the social worker literally ignored my calls and also ignored messages from the geriatric care manager who was trying to find placement so please be very, very persistent with them. My situation was different then what you are going through but the experience of being ignored/pushed to bring someone home who needs rehab/MC or something else seems to be common to hospital releases.