Feeling Vulnerable and Grieving

BikingOldMan · September 2

I am a newbie here, been "lurking" at posts of interest and pleased with what I've been seeing as a supportive group of caring individuals experiencing life as caregiver for LO's. My LO is my DW of 60 years. We have a long history together starting as a military family stationed overseas in the Vietnam era. We had three children. Our youngest son passed away in 2011 and our daughter in early 2023. Our remaining son lives a little over an hour drive away and comes to visit weekly. I realize now that I'd figured that our daughter would be our "safety net" in our old age, and in many ways as my DW was visibly declining, she was always there for us until her cancer diagnosis and passing.

Tonight, after DW had a very difficult day understanding much of anything said to her - i.e. "that goes in the bottom left drawer", I found myself experiencing a deep sense of vulnerability as I continue to look ahead as best I can. With that vunerability I once again find myself grieving not only my DD but also the loss of what DW and I have shared for years. We were not ready for this.

There are no answers, but a safe place to share the feelings helps I believe to put things into perspective.

WIGO23 · September 2

I am sorry you are on this journey and walking this road with us. I have been here two years or so and every time I check in, I find something useful. I hope you do too.

SDianeL · September 2

welcome. Sorry for the reason you are here. I can’t imagine the pain of losing children while caring for your DW. We caregivers feel grief for what we’ve lost and anticipatory grief for what we face and what will never be. I don’t know what I would have done without this group. I felt so lost and alone. The people here understand what you’re going through. Come here often. Hugs. 💜

annie51 · September 2

Welcome to the forum but sorry you have to be here. And so sorry you’ve lost two children also. You’ve had your share of grief to deal with. The grief that comes with this disease is different as @SDianeL has said. This forum is a great place to get advice and validation of your feelings. Hugs!

JulietteBee · September 2

That must be so dreadfully hard. I am so sorry for your many losses, both real and anticipatory.

From this point forward, you will never walk alone. You have now become a part of an amazingly supportive virtual family.💖

Biggles · September 2

That is such a distressing journey. 60 years together is massive history, sharing births and deaths is the extreme of emotions and still nothing prepares you for the longest goodbye with our nearest and dearest. This is 24/7 hard and sad for us all but to loose your darling children in my mind is the last gasp. Please stay in contact with us all here and share your thoughts. I too felt so lost and alone before I met this group. I found two articles very helpful on this site, when you are ready to read them search for ‘The Caregivers Brain’ and ‘The Cavalry’s Not Coming’ by Bill. More than words can say.

Feeling Vulnerable and Grieving

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