Home health care

I have been coping very well DH 77 me 75, but suggestions from our daughter were to use help if it was available because down the track it was probably going to be necessary. Being extremely independent I found this quite difficult and I’m still new to using help. We now have lawn mowing and garden maintenance every 3 weeks 1 hour, the blokes are really great plus we have domestic help every fortnight 1 1/2 hours she changes the bed sheets, cleans the bathroom and mops and vacuums the house. I can ask for extra help if required eg washing, cooking etc but it’s not necessary. DH and I must remain at home while cleaning is going on so we disappear into the garden with a cup of coffee and I might read out loud while DH has a little snooze. So far it’s been quite pleasant. Good luck I do suggest you take advantage of any help that’s available.

If you just feel like you need a little respite time, another option is to see if there is a local day care program for dementia patients. I used this for my DW for awhile in late Stage 5 and early Stage 6. It was 4 hours at first 2 days a week, and then 4 days a week. My DW really enjoyed the socializing and failure free activities. The program was limited to 15 PWD and had 5 people running it at a local church. It was good for her and great for me to have time to run errands, go to the dentist, take a bike ride. She was often a bit reluctant to go as she didn’t like leaving me, but always in the end the aides said she really seemed to enjoyed it. Just another possibility for you to consider.

Edit: I should note that my DW was the youngest one there by many years but that didn't matter, it was more about the stage she was in was similar or even greater than most others there.

My advise to you based on prior experience with family members with Alzheimer’s is to look into agencies now so that you have that option in place when you need it. They will come in an assess how many hours are necessary for your needs. You can increase those hours as time goes on. Lock up any valuables. Put Ring cameras inside your home so you can monitor your loved one until you know the person can be trusted and is a good fit. Relatives had jewelry and other items stolen by in home caregivers. The agencies were bonded and insured. Having said this, you will need the help. Do it sooner than later.

Hi ME44- I’m 71 with chronic health issues and my DW with AD is in stage 5. She will not accept help from our friends (she thinks it’s weird that they would want to come hang out with her when I am gone). So, I have been her sole caregiver. I decided I needed help when I realized I could not leave her alone safely almost two years ago. It has been a stressful process to actually get someone in due to DW’s anosognosia and her extreme resistance to having help in the house. Even though I would tell her the help was for me, she wasn’t buying it and would become very angry and agitated. About 7 months ago I started experiencing episodes of vertigo and couldn’t drive and realized the jig was up and getting help was essential. DW could see that I was incapacitated, I think it scared her, so this time finally when I told her help was coming no matter what, she accepted it. Since I have started to feel better she’s started to complain when the caregiver comes, but I know I cannot return to not having help- if I want to keep her at home, which I do. The challenge has been caregiver turnover due to their own health problems or some other issues. Also, it’s been hard to find caregivers in my area that are willing to work under payroll. We are on our 4th one now, hopefully she’s a keeper. They have all helped #1 with safety, companionship, walks, dog care, meal prep, grocery shopping, driving to appointments, laundry and housekeeping, and our current one has successfully redirected my DW away from news shows on tv to hilarious old movies on Netflix. Yay! After the first 15 minutes of the caregiver walking in the door (I never tell her ahead of time that they’re coming) my DW forgets she doesn’t want someone there and I think she enjoys the companionship of someone other than me. I agree it’s important to stay at home in the beginning with a new person in the house. You need to satisfy yourself that they are trustworthy, have experience with dementia, and can establish a connection with your LO. Also, I ask that they stay in touch with me via text when I’m away from the house. I am grateful to be able to afford help, and I encourage anyone who can swing it financially to do it! Keep us posted!