Moving to a new home

Welcome. What struck me is you said if “we” can manage the property. He may be able to help for a bit, but it’s really going to fall on you. Can you manage the property. I would consider safety concerns. Does your current home have lots of steps, is your bedroom and bathroom on the main floor, is the home located close to family that may help, is it a high maintenance home with a huge yard, is the bathroom setup good? You may also want to consider the financial aspect of the move. Dementia can be very expensive if memory care is eventually required. Would a smaller home leave more money for that situation? You have so much to consider. I’m sorry you need to be here. I attacked a couple of general resources I found helpful.

We moved to a small, remote town at the recommendation of our doctor. All that peace and beach walks was supposed to help what the doc was still calling MCI. It made no damn difference on that front. We have worse healthcare options, but I'd still do it because I absolutely love living here. I'm not sure what I'd do without the beach walks, even though my DW can barely manage them anymore. Turns out, the quiet was for me instead and I'll take it!

I will say this. My moving experience was pretty awful. My DW got incredibly overwhelmed by it and was still in her apathetic stage. I had to do it all and it was hard, hard, hard. So, plan for that eventuality. I should have just hired people to back us up and move us. Sure I saved money, but it nearly killed me.

And, H1235 is correct. You will lose your hubby's help managing the house and property sooner than you think. Personally, I'd downsize now, but I say this a lot….your gut knows. Trust it.

@P120481

Hi and welcome. I am sorry for your reason to be here but pleased you found this place.

I am not a spouse of a PWD, but I did move my parents when dad was in the moderate stages of the disease. I did both kinds of moves— long distance to be nearer family and then from an apartment to a home in a 55+ Active (as opposed to CCRC which would have been my first choice) community. If you add up dad's move from his place in FL to the one in MD in July, from which we took him to the ER in August which sent him to rehab for 5 weeks for September, to the apartment which was meant to be temporary in October before finally landing in their downsized house in January we moved him 6 times and I learned a lot on the way.

My advice would be to pick the place where you want to be in Stage 8.

If you love your house and you can make late-stage caregiving work by adding a full bath with walk-in shower, converting the living room to a bedroom, and hiring lawn care and other maintenance, stay there. The caveats would be that sometimes hiring people to do tasks the PWD thinks they can do can cause agitation. Other factors to consider— the availability of home health aides and day programs in the area. Some folks who live in very rural or as well as the value of your home if there is a potential for you to need Institutional Medicaid to pay for care in a facility at some point.

If you want a smaller and easier place to manage, do that. As the disease progresses, "home" becomes more of a feeling of security and less confusion than an actual building. Many who ask to go home seem to mean the time and place when they were young kids.

Things I learned doing this for my parents:

Do not involve a PWD in the process. I've done it both ways, trust me on this. PWD don't recognize their deficits and lack the executive function to be logical. Decision-making is stressful for them. Sometimes they make a decision and then renege on it the next day. Sometimes they make decisions that are counter to their needs for instance, when mom decided they wanted to buy a house dad made noises about buying an old Victorian that had been converted to apartments and becoming a landlord.

Things went best when we did everything behind dad's back so he wasn't subjected to mess and drama of the moves. He was in rehab when we moved them to the apartment. and when mom took possession of new home, I sent them to a nice hotel for the weekend while I and my minions (professional movers, DS and niece) got the house turn-key ready.

Because mom downsized from 2x 2000sqft homes into a 1500 sqft, some things were given away but for a time we stored them in a storage unit. I took pictures of the interior and whenever dad would accuse me to stealing his things, I could show him the pictures and explain they were in storage.

If possible, I would move into the new place, and then stage and sell once you're out of the house it possible. You might want to talk to a CELA about titling the house; mom's CELA insisted she put it in her name only. As POA I physically managed the settlements of both their old homes and oversaw the moving of the furniture, cars, etc.

Good luck.
HB