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First visit to Mom in MC - I survived!

SiberianIris
SiberianIris Member Posts: 67
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I was dreading my first visit to Mom in MC, since I was the one who actually walked her in there. It's been just under 2 weeks. When I first arrived, I could see that she was in the activity room, so I first stopped by the office where the activity director and nurse manager were. I talked to them to see how things had been going.

They said her adjustment continues to go well. She takes part in most activities, and when she's not in an activity, she's usually sitting in one of the common areas with other people, and spends very little time alone in her room. I was glad to hear this. She sundowns somewhat in the late afternoon, but they said nothing out of the ordinary.

When I saw Mom leave the activity room and head to her room, I gave myself a few minutes to gather my courage. She smiled when she first saw me and then burst into tears (oh crap). I gave her a hug and told her how glad I was to see her. Thankfully, the tears vanished in a few seconds. I said "this is a really nice room", and she said "Yes, it is a nice room, but I hardly have any clothes to wear". I said "well, you don't need a lot of clothes because you're not going to be here forever", and she seemed ok with that. (Even though she now likes to wear the same outfits over and over, I guess it gave her comfort to have a closet stuffed with clothes.)

Based on this group's good advice to visit in the common areas, I suggested we go sit out there. A few residents came over, and she was very pleasant. I then took part in the chair exercise class with her, and she really seemed to enjoy herself. When it was time for lunch, I walked her to the dining room, and said "I'll see you later", and she was soon distracted by the others going in. While she was eating, I went back to her room to check supplies.

The exit from MC is right by the dining room, and I managed to slip out without Mom seeing me.

There were a few times during the visit where she would say "I don't know why I'm here" or "when can I go home?", etc., and I would say she was there for a more serious physical therapy program, and she seemed ok with that, since she likes anything to do with exercise and fitness. At early stage 6, her short term memory loop is so short now, it's almost a blessing.

Comments

  • ARIL
    ARIL Member Posts: 220
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    Thank you for sharing this report. It sounds as though everything is going so well. I am glad for you and your mom!

  • SusanB-dil
    SusanB-dil Member Posts: 1,485
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    I'm so glad it went well for you. I'm sure this visit helped you a lot, to know that she is doing so well.

    Nice to hear some good news… thank you for posting.

  • cdgbdr
    cdgbdr Member Posts: 270
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    Thank you!

  • SDianeL
    SDianeL Member Posts: 2,323
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    so glad to hear about the visit and glad she is getting settled in 💜

  • SiberianIris
    SiberianIris Member Posts: 67
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    UPDATE from OP - one month in

    Today was my second visit to Mom in memory care. She's now been there one month. Because I live several hours away, I can typically only get up there every other week. Fortunately my two brothers live close by and visit regularly. Anyway, I was sort of dreading the visit, thinking there'd be more tears or that she'd try to get out the door when I had to leave.

    It went much better than expected. She is more settled and is making friends. She did ask about her old AL apartment and whether her things (furniture and clothes) were ok. She'll probably ask about this forever, but at least it seemed less emotionally charged.

    She took me on a tour of the MC (not remembering I was there 2 weeks ago). As we walked by the piano, she told me they'd had a wonderful pianist she really enjoyed. Ever the social butterfly, she introduced me to every person, staff or resident, we came across, except for the few who were obviously sleeping.

    Whenever there seemed like an awkward moment, I brought out some family photos for her to look at. I'd made some enlarged photocopies for her to keep. She always likes having something to hold onto.

    When it was time for lunch, and time for me to leave, I walked her to the dining room. The highlight of my day was seeing a table of ladies waving Mom over to a seat they saved for her. That really did my heart good to see. Today was a good day.

  • wose
    wose Member Posts: 270
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    That is wonderful news! Knowing Mom is happy and well cared for is the best feeling. Hope she continues to adjust well💜

  • ARIL
    ARIL Member Posts: 220
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    Such good news! I am so glad your mom is settling in and making friends. The table of waving ladies is such a wonderful image. So glad you got to see that!

Commonly Used Abbreviations


DH = Dear Husband
DW= Dear Wife, Darling Wife
LO = Loved One
ES = Early Stage
EO = Early Onset
FTD = Frontotemporal Dementia
VD = Vascular Dementia
MC = Memory Care
AL = Assisted Living
POA = Power of Attorney
Read more