Not there then right there

Anonymousjpl123 · September 12

I’ve noticed that when I arrive for a visit, my mom is usually a little confused until I acclimate her. She recognizes me, but is not exactly sure who I am.

Occasionally, especially if we talk a bit (meaning I talk about normal stuff in my life and she listens attentively), she says REALLY lucid things!

Like today, I asked myself rhetorically why I was telling her all about my job, and she said “because I can give a different perspective.” Then as I was leaving, she called me by name and said “can you shut the door part way?”

Shes so not there most of the time, then she’s right there. Have others had this?

ARIL · September 12

Absolutely! My visit with my dad today was exactly like this. There was some confusion about my identity (“Do you ever hear from my daughter?”), and then when I was describing a meeting at work I will attend tomorrow, he said extremely lucid things, and we both laughed (genuinely). I am grateful for the bursts of lucidity, which feel like a gift in the midst of all the loss.

SDianeL · September 13

yes, it’s very common. Someone posted here awhile ago that it’s like the wires in their brain connect for a few minutes and then disconnect again. Like a short in an electric cord.

Anonymousjpl123 · September 14

@SDianeL its so hard! And @ARIL so affirming at the same time. Yesterday, for what I’m pretty sure will be the last time, I took my mom out to dinner. We went to the same diner we always go to. She wanted to. Outside, she said “let’s go home.” Me, like an idiot, said “to my place?” And she lit up and said yes. I then had to back pedal and say we would plan it. At dinner she started wandering and we had to leave.

I know she would be miserable living with me.

I know I couldn’t do it without quitting my job and giving up my life.

She’s on hospice and constantly wandering, fully incontinent, doesn’t speak in sentences or use real words.

Yet the guilt was there (I know it’s irrational). This disease brings out the crazy in me. I’m between guilt and anger, underneath which is probably grief. Geez. Ok vent over.

Not there then right there

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