LO Needs External Help But Won’t Accept It

Welcome. People with dementia often have anosognosia. This is the inability to recognize their symptoms or limitations. There is no point is trying to convince her, she will never believe you and it will only stress you and her out. It is awful! Stop trying to get her to buy into what needs to be done. I know this sound horrible, but do things behind her back without telling her. If a four year old child insists they can stay home alone you wouldn’t let them, because it is obviously not safe. The same is true with your mom. I assume you do not have a DPOA since you are trying to get guardianship. I have heard of people talking about emergency guardianship. It doesn’t sound like that would be out of line here. This sounds like an emergency. Once you have the guardianship or if you have the DPOA (I have DPOA and signed all the paperwork necessary for moms move to a facility. She did not consent.). You need to act without consulting her. Many here use a therapeutic fib to ease their loved ones stress and help things go more smoothly. This might mean telling her she is going to a rehabilitation facility until she is more stable on her feet, or her home needs repairs (gas leak, insect infection) and she is going to need to move out for just a few weeks. Often an inability to recognize time passing may allow this excuse to go on for years. My mom did not want to move to Al and was very very angry. I told her that was what was happening, period. My brother refused a therapeutic fib. She didn’t speak with me for a while. But I know it had to be done. Yes she is going to get mad. What matters is her safety! Even if the four year old throws a fit, you don’t let them do something that is not safe. You need to be the parent now. It’s really tough. A doctor can prescribe medication that may help with her agitation and anger, but finding the right medication and dosage is a process. That might be easier to figure out while she is in a facility. On the other hand if she is too angry and violent it my need to be addressed before the move. Some facilities can have a waiting list. Al facilities may also want to do an evaluation to determine if she is able to be independent enough. Don’t wait til guardianship is approved to figure out the next move. She is not safe! Are her bills and money being managed by a family member? She is very vulnerable to scams. She could loose everything. Assisted living and memory care can be very expensive. Do you know if she has the funds to cover these? Medicaid is less likely to cover al and mc, it varies from state to state. It has been a bit of an emotional roller coaster with mom, but I really do think that the facility reduced her stress. Your mom is in an environment that she has no idea how to navigate. She is in over her head and it’s causing her all kind of stress and anxiety. A move to a facility may reduces some of that stress. I really think the more you can learn about dementia the better for you and her. I have attached a staging tool and an article on dementia.