Trying to keep my sanity

So sorry you or anyone is having to go through this nightmare with a loved one. I can relate to all of what you describe having experienced it over the 8 years caring for my dear wife. Your comment about maintaining the mask for him strikes a familiar cord. The pressure to be there, do the right thing, make their day as good as it can be, keep them safe, etc., etc. demands so much of us but we do it because we love them so much. Our path did become so demanding with me as the only caregiver for years that I did bring in additional help a few hours each day to give me a short break to recharge to "get back on duty again". Much of what we do for them often conflicts with our normal nature. Telling fibs, omitting information, making up excuses, deflecting questions, and the list goes on, is hard to accept but, in time, I learned it is for their best, not mine, and that is the goal. This site is the place to vent because we are all in there with you. Come here as often as you need to let it out, ask questions, get yourself some peace of mind that you are doing it right. I wish I had found and used this site much more but I was late to the party but, once here, found it was the only useful resource. Come on in, scream, vent, cry, hate this disease with the rest of us who also hate this disease. You are among friends, now brothers and sisters, in our world most others will hopefully never know.

OMG how I can relate to your post! My partner is the same as what you are experiencing and it is so difficult for sure. For me the toughest is that I can no longer have a conversation with him like we did before the memory loss started. I also noticed when he is tired is the worst.

Right now no one in his immediate family is aware of his situation. He made me promise not to tell his daughter or son. My mom knows as my dad passed from Alz 19 years ago and she has been my rock.

When I first joined this online community I felt like I was attacked ILO getting the support I needed. Hoping this time is different.

We are fulltimfull-time RVers for the past 10 years and I am realizing this will need to end in the near future and we will need to return to our home base and settle down.

My partner seems to have withdrawn from most outside connections and relies on me more and more and seems to get a little anxious if I am away for even a few hours he will be calling me on the phone.

I have been managing our finances now for several years. One thing that is "different" for us is that he will NOT see a doctor and I made a promise to honor his wishes. I do not need a doctor to tell me he has dementia! He will not take ANY meds.

I have power of attorney and all the other legal paperwork. This summer we are away from our winter community and I have missed my local support group of caregivers from the church I attend. I find such comfort getting with them once a week for lunch and my other friends that allow me to be me ILO of having to always be "on" and agree with him rather than start any pushback.

I often think it is harder being the caregiver than the patient because they do not realize what is happening.

I watched the Diane Sawyer interview with Emma Willis, Bruce Willis's wife. Boy I could relate as our beginning was so similar, thinking the relationship was in trouble and it was his memory. Thinking back now I realize it started years earlier. It is what it is and I am managing I do have my days when I need "me" time to rest and regroup. I have been journaling since this started and that helps.

Fingers crossed I can find some other like minded people here this time around! Thanks for letting me share and vent!

Susan