Say something/Don't say something?

cartfans2 · September 22

Background: I went through dementia with my husband so I'm aware of the brain changes that happen. I notice when something is suddenly "off".
I have lived with my mom since my husband passed 3 years ago. She loves Christmas so we have done big time decorating for the grandkids. A year and a half ago we did a HUGE project. We made Snowmen out of boxes to put the presents in. We had one snowman for each person (10 of us and our dog) 3 boxes for each snowman.
We wrapped each box in white paper. We decorated each snowman very personally for each member of the family. We have an officer, dispatcher, farmer, baker in our family….so each snowman took a long time and a lot of creative brain work to make it identifiable!
It took at least 6 weeks to create them. We kept them hidden in different corners of the house until Christmas day. We stayed up the night before in order to arrange them in the living room (they took up the whole living room!).
It was a big, long project.
The situation I'm concerned about: My mom recently saw boxes made up like snowmen on social media and said, "Hey, we are always looking for something new and different to do, let's do these snowmen this year". It kind of sent me into a panic of disbelief that she didn't remember doing the snowmen! A few days later, I had one of my daughters mention doing it just to see if, on a different day, my mom remembered doing them.
My question (finally!) Do I tell my mom we've recently done them? I'm afraid it will send her into a panic when she realizes she forgot something so big. But what if we start making the snowmen and then the memory hits her….will she be upset that we all remembered and she didn't?
She has not been officially diagnosed with anything but had an MRI about 7 years ago that showed the proteins. Which is the best way to go?

SDianeL · September 22

I would make up a fib that is believable for her. Anything to prevent anxiety. Maybe that you did them as a surprise for her. Or Maybe that someone made them as a surprise. Someone that doesn’t live with you?

H1235 · September 22

I have heard that if she is reminded and suddenly remembers that could just be normal forgetfulness. But if you remind her and she still doesn’t remember that is a sign that dementia may be involved. You didn’t mention, did her granddaughter mentioning it remind jog her memory at all? I think I would mention it, but keep it vague. Something like I think we have done something like that before? Didn’t we make one into a baker for ——. If she responds with no we have never done that, I would remember! Then say “ I must be mistaken” and drop it. If she doesn’t remember maybe you can have the fun of doing them again this year.

cartfans2 · September 22

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/254186#Comment_254186

no, she didn’t remember when my daughter said something. I will start collecting boxes and buy the white paper and maybe once we actually start physically making them she’ll remember. But hopefully she will forget the fact that she didn’t remember!

Thank you!

Say something/Don't say something?

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