The Right Answer

Welcome. When we think of dementia I had always thought of it as being about memory, but poor judgment, lack of executive functioning, impulse control and loss of social filter are all common symptoms. If this romance seems out of character for your mom I would say this is likely dementia related. My daughter and her husband’s family recently went to a professional ball game. The father is in the very early stages of a diagnosis. You would not know there is anything wrong to talk with him and he still lives independently. He got separated from the family and had left his phone in the car, had no idea where the car was. Police became involved. Thankfully he was found. My point is, is she really able to make all the decisions and judgement calls necessary to take this flight? You mentioned her making bad decisions. Do you have access to her finances. How is she doing with bill paying. This can be one of the first skills to go. If her finances are a mess that may be a clue that a flight would be too much decision making for her to handle. People with dementia often have anosognosia. This is the inability to recognize their symptoms or limitations. It may come across as stubbornness. I doubt very much there will ever come a time when she willingly gives up her independence! It is really tough, but at some point for her safety you will need to step in. My mom lives in a nursing home and needs reminders to shower, but still thinks she would be perfectly fine living on her own in her house. This is why a durable power of attorney is so important. If you don’t have one make it your number one priority o see a lawyer. Sorry I rambled for a bit there, back to your specific problem. Could you make an excuse why she can’t visit? Would the wife of the person she is visiting work with you if you expressed concern about her flight given the dementia? These early stages are so difficult. Since you are new here I have attached a common staging tool that is very helpful. I hope you can find a solution.

Welcome to the group!

When "not wanting to take away independence" is mentioned, I've had to remind others that THEY are not taking away their loved one's independence. Dementia is!!!

If your mom has dementia & still has the capacity to book a flight on her own, I'd say that is impressive. My mom can not.

However, if your mom is capable of doing so, I believe it is time her DPOA steps in and take away credit cards, debit cards, and checkbook.

She is at risk of being defrauded of her entire life's savings.

Personally speaking, the trip should be viewed as ill-advised. Yes, she is going to get mad, sad, and angry. One of the two most profound things I have learned from this group is that we are tasked with "Keeping our LO safe, not happy."

All the best!

That DBAT is probably one of the most depressing things I've read in a long time. Makes an already depressed person (me) even more so depressed. Sigh… I can barely hold on now. The thought that it's going to get worse, and worse, and worse is just horrible.