My wife forgot her brother died in 2019

brooklynborn123 · September 2

I know others have experienced this situation and I wondered if you have any advice for me. My wife told me last week today she was worried about her brother because she had not heard from him in awhile. I wasn’t sure how to respond—I didn’t want to say he was fine—but when I reminded her that he passed away she was shocked and, of course grief stricken. Fortunately, she forgot about it a half hour later. But then last night she brought it up again—ie that she was worried about her brother—I pretended not to hear and fortunately she didn’t press it but fell asleep. Any advice about how to handle this going forward?

l7pla1w2 · September 3

First piece of advice: Don't tell/remind your wife that her brother had died. If she says she's worried, you can say you just talked to him, and he's fine. If she wants to speak to him, pretend to call and say he didn't answer. In short, use fiblets to avoid causing your wife agitation or distress.

howhale · September 24

Had similar experiences with my wife regarding a variety of relatives or friends. Tried distracting her which sometimes worked, tried the already talked to them trick, the no answer, etc. All work at different times. The saving grace is that her memory is so short term a distraction often helps her to move on. She would inevitably return to someone or the same person and I would have to try another tack. I made the classic mistakes early on, before I found this forum and sound advice. I agree, you don't want to share the deaths of others but rather find ways to deflect or make up a fib. It is hard sometimes. Eventually, my wife began to have imaginary phone conversations with others, just holding her hand to her cheek as if holding the phone. Sometimes these conversations would go on for 30 minutes. I don't think you can set that up for them, it just happens when they have progressed further.

annie51 · September 24

My DH occasionally asks about his parents. At first I found it very hard to fib about it (I’m not a quick thinker) and stumbled a little but after a while it does get easier. When their memory is so short it certainly makes it easier.

tonyac2 · September 24

I purchased an old rotary desk phone for my husband and when he insists on talking to one of his deceased LO, I bring it out for him to call them. I wrote a bunch of random phone numbers on a piece of paper and he goes down the list dialing them. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t, but most often it keeps him busy dialing numbers. I agree, never say they’re gone, it’s devastating.

howhale · September 24

The use of an old rotary phone is brilliant. Wish I had thought of that. Tried an old cell phone but was too confusing and became frustrating. Another great creative idea from this forum. So many helpful resources here.

howhale · September 24

Maybe we need another subsection for the site titled "The Tricks That May Work". There are so many innovative ways caregivers find to help their loved ones or those in their care to have the best day they can every day. Collecting them in one place could help those struggling.

My wife forgot her brother died in 2019

Comments

Commonly Used Abbreviations

Community Guidelines

Categories