Long term care

I am new to the forum. I woke up a week or so ago and was just researching things on ALZ, and came across various discussions. My husband is from a large family (20 siblings and 7 children), and dementia runs in his family. I had some idea what was ahead when he began to have cognitive issues, but I was optimistic that we could handle it as a family. He and I have no children together and have been married almost 13 years. I was sorely disappointed and hurt when the calls and invites to functions came to a crawl and then crickets. Mind you, when he was good, everyone was calling with requests for money, help moving, and all other things. I have never been respected as his wife, but just looked at as someone he’s married to. I want to choke someone every time I see or hear FOE(family over everyone). That’s a whole discussion in itself. I feel alone and have a very small community. I am navigating this journey trying to work full time. I had a care partner coming 5 days a week for 8 hours and I just recently added another person as I am having to go in the office once a week, now. Here’s my issue. My husband is like a two year old. He’s constantly moving things, unplugging things, tearing up things. You name it and he’s doing it. When he grabs things he shouldn’t and I or someone else ask him to stop or give it back, he has a comment and/or wants to fight. He has been put out of 2 facilities and another 3 respite facilities that we probably can’t return to. I am running out of options and am running on fumes. I can’t just drop him off on the side of the road. He’s not the nice little grandpa who you can sit in front of the TV, or hand him a puzzle to keep him occupied. Other than the dementia, my husband is physically fit. To look at him, you wouldn’t know anything was wrong with him. He walks constantly, and no matter how much stuff you move out of his path/sight, he just finds something else to get into. His favorite word is “no”. It’s a fight to change him as he is incontinent. It’s a fight to bathe him, get him dressed, get him in the car, out the car… you see where I am going. I am 57 and he is 69. No facility and fewer people are wanting to deal with this day to day. He’s been to Geri Psych at least 5 times. He’s on hospice because of the disease being terminal and not because he’s in the very ending stages of life. I am thankful for the resources as far as supplies and they pay for respite every quarter. I finally started doing self care, but it’s still hard. I feel like a teen parent who’s watching all her friends do life as she’s strapped with a kid and can’t do those things anymore. To say my faith has been tested and stretched is an understatement. I keep asking God what my lesson is in this. Or what lesson am I missing that this keeps being so hard. I try to keep in mind that just as angry and frustrated as I am, my husband is probably even more so. His world as he sees it is changing. His words and thoughts aren’t lining up, and then people correcting his every move. I try to sympathize. Then there are those moments where he does things for no reason, seeming to want to pick a fight or start an argument. When he sees you are quietly fuming, he then apologizes. I am tired of walking on eggshells. I am tired of no rest and/or not being able to make plans unless I know I have a “sitter” in place, with those options being limited to one or two people. They have boxes at fire stations you can leave babies in with no questions asked. There’s no such thing for adults who are stressed from caring for a loved one.