Newly Diagnosed Parent with Dementia - Feel Stressed and Overwhelmed

AnnMarie1865 · September 26

My 80 year old mother was diagnosed with early Dementia earlier this year. She is also bipolar (diagnosed 30 years ago). It has become very difficult lately as she thinks she does not have dementia - she has forgotten the diagnosis from her neurologist. She told me yesterday her psychiatrist told her she doesn't have it. She is easily agitated and forgets usual memories and words. She forgets what day it is, what time it is. I have been in charge of my parents' finances and doctor appointments with the help of my brother. If I tell her something she has forgotten she yells at me and tells me I remember things wrong or I don't listened attentively enough. It is difficult to be yelled at as she still yells at me like I was 16 and missed curfew. Taking her on as a responsibility has become difficult as I also have a full time job and 4 grandchildren I help out with. I at times get angry and argue back which I know doesn't help and makes things worse - but the bipolar mixed with early dementia is difficult. Her episodes are more frequent and very angry. Any suggestions or recommendations would be greatly appreciated.

H1235 · September 26

Welcome. Many with dementia have anosognosia. This is the inability to recognize their symptoms or limitations. It is awful. In the beginning my mom understood and accepted that she had dementia ( although she didn’t recognize most symptoms), now she insists the doctors made a mistake and didn’t know what they were talking about. Because she can’t recognize her symptoms she makes excuses or blames things on others(usually me). The number one rule with dementia is never try to reason or argue. It serves no purpose, because the person with dementia simply can’t be reasoned with. If she insists on something that’s not true, but it really doesn’t matter, just agree with her. If she insists doing something she is not capable of, do it yourself and make an excuse (I needed the exercise, I was going that way anyway…). Sometimes it works best to fib. Things like- I’ll take you tomorrow, or we can work on that together next week (with hope that by then she will forget). I often blame myself before she has the chance or just apologize for things I’m not guilty of ( sorry I must have forgotten to tell you about the appointment). Distraction is another method that works. Change the subject or pull a treat out of you pocket. I also avoid topics I know will set mom off (there are a lot and it can be difficult to find things to talk about sometimes). I have also just refused to engage in arguments and just left the room. It is so easy to get sucked into an argument. I find myself just wanting her to understand so badly. It’s hard to accept she can’t. It can also be hard always taking the blame and being wrong. It gets easier with time. I would also recommend asking her doctor about medication or increasing it.

SDianeL · September 27

welcome. Ditto what H1235 said. Although your Mom is bipolar, her behaviors now are mostly due to dementia. Trying to reason with her does no good. As I learned here, you can’t reason with someone whose reasoner is broken. Don’t argue. Get in her world. Fib if you must. Plus read the book “The 36 Hour Day” which helped me after my husband’s diagnosis. Search online for dementia caregiving videos. Tam Cummings and Teepa Snow have good ones. Come here often for info and support. We understand what you’re going through.

Kim400 · September 27

Medication. Do what you can but it’s also ok to have limited time with her. Sometimes we have to give ourselves permission to step back and take care of us too. I am researching respite care / adult daycare because my dad is becoming more difficult. We doubled his medication and it is helpful so far.

Newly Diagnosed Parent with Dementia - Feel Stressed and Overwhelmed

Comments

Commonly Used Abbreviations

Community Guidelines

Categories