Relative and Finance Issues

Welcome, although sorry for the reason you are here. Relatives fighting about money and care unfortunately does happen. We hear about it fairly often on this forum. I am not a lawyer, the information I have is gained from reading these forums and going thru it with my LO. The following is general information only and must be verified by a lawyer in your state.

These are some sources of information that you might contact: The Alzheimer's Society Helpline—your Area Agency on Aging—Adult Protective Services (for elder financial abuse)— www.elderlawanswers.com (short answers to previous questions about elder care legal situations, just to give you some background).

These are websites where you can find elder law attorneys: nelf.org—-naela.org. You are probably going to need an attorney, and you might have to go for guardianship, or at least "threaten" to do so or "threaten" to go to Adult Protective Services and report elder financial abuse. Unfortunately, with APS, it might not be easy to see who is in the right here, and you might end up causing yourselves harm. One problem is that you are all living in your grandmother's house where you could be seen as having "undue influence" on her, especially since there have been gifts of money. Thankfully your brother still has the money from the second gift. Is there any way he could replace the first gift if it were seen to be necessary? For guardianship, in a contentious hearing it might be decided that the state would be guardian, and that would probably not be in your mother's best interest for her care, as well as the state will exhaust your mothers' funds more quickly. A contested guardianship is also expensive, although if you win, it can be paid for out of your grandmothers' estate.

Most elder law attorneys specialize in estate and Medicaid planning. To sort this mess out you need someone who has experience in guardianship. This could be an elder lawyer or possibly a family practice lawyer. When you contact a elder lawyer and they cannot help, ask who they would recommend. When you are talking to the receptionist/lawyer you want to be clear, concise, present the necessary facts and try to keep emotion out of it. Write down what you are going to say and have someone outside the situation review it, to see if it is clear. When you contact a lawyer your stated primary goal should be your grandmothers care and well-being and having the structure and funds to accomplish that goal, and also not doing anything that would make her ineligible for Medicaid.

You might think your grandmother will never be on Medicaid, but truthfully, if a person lives long enough, the cost of care can eat up hundreds of thousands of dollars. One major thing that will make a person ineligible for Medicaid is gifting money less than 5 years prior to the time Medicaid is needed. Here, money has been gifted to your brother, and also, for Medicaid purposes, putting money in a joint account is considered a gift to the other account owner. In answer to your question about the will, when one account owner dies, the money in the joint account passes automatically to the other owner, bypassing the will completely.

I suggest that your mother review the POA that she has. What does it tell her she can do, when was it made/signed, does it list a successor (someone to take over if she cannot serve), where has she taken/sent/used it, has it been revoked in any of those places. It is unusual for a POA to be revoked in only one place. You want to make sure that POA is still valid when used elsewhere. When one has a POA it is best to be listed on the bank account as POA, not as an authorized signer, and never sign as responsible party for any bills unless you use the POA title.

Try to get an idea of your grandmothers' capacity. When was she diagnosed with dementia, any particular type, has the doctor ever given her a stage, can your mother receive information from her doctor. What can she do at home, does she need reminders, verbal cues, physical help.

Think about how dependent you are on living in your grandmother's house. Do you have jobs, could you live elsewhere, this situation might not be tenable for you or your mom. You might decide to let your uncle have POA (if your grandmother is competent to sign), then he would be legally responsible. You have done this for four years, you would not be the first to pass the responsibility on to someone else.

Wish you well.