Rushing into caregiver arrangements

AlzWife2023 · September 29

Although being with my DH with Alz 24/7 is driving me crazy, the nuances and limitations of working with a caregiver have begun to reveal themselves.

I finally reached out to some people on Care.com and found myself rushing into an arrangement set to begin in a week with the first caregiver I met. The arrangement is based on her needs, not mine, I’ve realized in retrospect.

I was so excited about having some time for myself, I had finally accepted the financial reality (gotta pay!) and self care realities (I need to take care of myself!) but my DH is not ready to “entertain” a stranger (his words) all day in our small space.

She was so eager to leave her current situation which involves late nights and early mornings that I found myself rushed into our arrangement. She’s a good caregiver, I think. She has good references. She’s a CNA. Lives relatively close. Can deal with our over excited dog, but imaging her here for six hours a day just does not click. It’s a small house & my DH is private. Not a talker. Doesn’t want to be “followed around” and I feel quite sure he will exhibit behavioral issues if I were to rush into this.

Anyway, I am mostly just venting, because I know I have to call it off.

Has anyone else found that the intrusion of a caregiver in your home is just too much?

terei · September 29

Are you saying you haven’t tried her yet? It doesn’t seen as if you have given it a chance yet.

Jgirl57 · September 30

it is hard to get used to. When we first started it was 4 hours every other week and then worked up to 5 hours one day per week . I too initially caved to the care companions schedule. I leave tasks such as nail clippers , puzzles , towel folding for the care companion to prompt my DH. Other times they just watch TV( animal planet , HGTV, sports ) . We are actually starting with a new care companion and I am going to rely on her experience to manage the 5 hours while I have my one time per week “ day off”. I did tell her my DH does not like to be overly fussed over or too much talking.

persevere · September 30

I have had experience with 2 caregivers off care.com for my DW. The first was younger and not very dynamic but was very sweet and knowledgeable. The second is older and kind of out there but still very good to my wife and good experience. She’s also very flexible on hours. Six hours is too much in my opinion. 3 or 4 hrs, 2 or 3 times a week is good. Start slow. Don’t just pick up and leave the first day. Stay, work around or outside the house with frequent checks. Then graduate to an errand or something. I don’t ever stay away the whole time. The ice breaker is when the caregiver can take the person to the bathroom. Don’t try that till the second or third visit. Regardless, do it! You need the time.

AlzWife2023 · September 30

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/254857#Comment_254857

It’s just not time yet. Won’t get into details, but she’s also not the right person. I will try someone else down the road a bit who is calm and not desperate for hours so that we can start slow.

AlzWife2023 · September 30

Great tips. I do need the time but DH is still not ready for that level of care. He toilets himself. Son is WFH and said I can go to the gym in the mornings and he can hold down the fort.

AlzWife2023 · September 30

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/254878#Comment_254878

Thanks for sharing Thursday experience. The whole thing was rushed, by her.

MN Chickadee · September 30

Adult daycare was a better fit for us for some of these reasons when my other with Alzheimers was at home. What dad (the spouse without dementia) really needed was down time. To be in his house doing whatever he wanted, to nap, do chores in peace, and also to have repairmen etc come in when needed which was always a circus when mom was home. The day care setting was very social for her, at times if felt like any other senior coffee group, and they varied in what they did every day so it wasn't the same old thing all the time. She started one half day per week and eventually we increased to 5 full days. I can see how it would be hard to have many hours of a caregiver in the home especially if it's a small home. You may not always feel like going out but don't want to be on top of them.

AlzWife2023 · September 30

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/254932#Comment_254932

I think you’re right.

Rushing into caregiver arrangements

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