Memory care

ME44 · September 30

My DW is has progressed very quickly. She was diagnosed with mild cognitive impairment about 2 1/2 years ago and is now clearly in the moderate stages. I'm afraid she is moving into the need for memory care and I really don't want to do that. I don't think she's unsafe, but there are sanitary issues, e g. leaving dog feces in the sink and the washing machine, cleaning her hands in the toilet, etc I don't think adult day care is a workable option, but she almost needs to be watched constantly. Short of around the clock in home care, has anyone found a middle ground solution?

annie51 · September 30

I’ve been thinking about memory care lately for my DH and one of the reasons is his personal care - I don’t think I’m doing a great job at it and afraid of what consequences this has. One other reason is his wandering. I’ll be interested in the responses to your post.

harshedbuzz · September 30

@ME44

I'm sorry you've reached this place in the disease progression.

"Sanitary" issues are safety issues. Her behaviors, aside from the work they create for you, could cause illness for one or both of you.

It sounds like your wife needs considerable supervision. Some rooms (bathroom, laundry, potentially kitchen) and the yard (assuming that where the dog does his business) may need to secured (reverse doors to lock them or even do a hook & eye at the top of the door) to prevent her getting into trouble. It's sort of like babyproofing a house. You would accompany her for toileting and showers as well as when she's outside.

The middle stage for many is bringing in aides part time. This would give you a chance to get things done outside the home but unless she bonds with her new caregiver, you might not be able to get things done around the house or catch up on sleep.

What are your concerns about a day program? Normally these are in safe spaces with multiple carers with engaging programming which might distract her.

The choice to place in memory care is very individual. Many people do keep their LOs at home with supports, and sadly sometimes with no additional help. But many other opt for MC. Not all PWD are easily managed at home due to their temperament. Not all spouses are cut out for 24/7 wall-to-wall caregiving. IME, dad got better care in the MCF at a certain point when he would not submit to mom's care of him. He fought her on eating, medication, hydration and hygiene but saw the staff in MC as professionals helping him. This allowed mom to settle back into the role of doting wife instead of frustrated caregiver.

HB

SDianeL · September 30

What are her current living arrangements? As the disease progresses PWDs need 24/7 care for their safety and safety of others. The 2 choices are: 1) at home by family, by hired caregivers or day care or a combination of those 3 options. 2) The other choice is placement in a secure memory care facility. I recommend also having a Plan B in case your first choice doesn’t work out. Many facilities have waiting lists.

Timmyd · October 1

I was in a somewhat similar situation and this is what has worked for me (so far).

Navigate DW away from activities that are increasingly problematic. DW no longer is involved in laundry, dishes, or really anything to do with cooking or housework.

Keep a close eye on DW during bathroom visits. DW still wants to do the right thing, but her body does not cooperate. I find some gentle encouragement and assistance has helped. It takes trial and error to find the correct amount of help to apply in the bathroom. We still have accidents and some conflict, but generally DW is accepting of my help. Bathing is more of a challenge, but the same concepts are applied.

DW is generally "watched constantly" but I am generally only on alert when she is in bathroom or kitchen. We have a open floor plan so otherwise keeping an ear/eye out is not that much of a burden.

I brought in companion care for a few days a week. Now I get some time to myself and can do shopping and errands without having to bring her along.

I started touring memory care facilities in my area to familiarize myself with how that will work if / when we get to that point.

Michele P · October 3

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/255031#Comment_255031

My husband is early stage. We were advised by family who have lived through this to tour memory care facilities now and get on a waitlist with refundable deposit. Facilities in our area are at full capacity with a year or more wait if not on a waitlist. You will have no guarantee that you can place your loved one if you wait until it’s time. My concern was that if something happened to me, there was no one to care for my husband. I needed to put plan B in place immediately. I suggest that everyone here does the same. None of us know where this journey will take us.

Memory care

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