It’s finally happening. Placing hubby in MC
this week he gets TB screening required and I get medical forms filled out. Date can be as soon as next week. Telling him we are checking out a new building for brain fog care. He calls what he has brainfog. I’ll work out with place to take him somewhere and then I’ll get suitcase from car and leave with them. Any other ideas you may have please share.
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Hugs! So sorry you are at this point. Such an emotional place to be!
I made the choice to stay with my husband the first two nights. I'm thinking back and it was probably more for my emotional wellbeing and not his!1 -
@Katcat
Mom packed up dad's stuff while he napped, and I took it over to the MCF for her and set the room up ahead of time. Since we used a similar fiblet— taking dad to a new doctor to "make sure he was getting best possible care/doctor ordered some rehab at this nice private rehab"— we elected to use their furniture and zhuzh it up with nice new linens. We brought a couple pictures and a throw from home later to make it more homelike. Make sure you label everything and I mean every single thing. Clothes, eye glasses, hearing aids, dentures, family photographs (copies in plastic frames), socks, shoes, etc. Every facility has a few hunter-gathers or shoppers and labeled things are more likely to be returned.
The week before was the hardest for me emotionally. I felt relieved as soon as he was moved in, but mom needed a little time to get used to the change.
The staff met us at the door, and the activities lady whisked him off to introduce him 2 outgoing residents as they started afternoon snack of ice cream. I drove my parents to the MCF which wasn't unusual as I went to all their appointments. After, I brought mom home for dinner with my family. If that doesn't work for you, maybe a friend could meet you after and have dinner with you that first night.
Extend yourself some grace in adjusting especially if your DH doesn't settle in immediately. Dad took a few weeks before he settled in. During that time, I went with mom to keep visits in the more public areas of the facility and physically removed her if he started getting ugly. Within about 2 weeks this wasn't necessary and their relationship actually improved.
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sending prayers and strength your way. When we moved my dad into MC we also brought familiar items from home. We created a few jobs for him to do like hanging pictures or deciding where to put his clothes. Anything mechanical was very soothing for him. Honestly, I think the familiar items might have been more for us than for him since he wasn’t able to articulate how he felt about about it. Just be ready and get to know the staff well!!!
we put a whiteboard in the room so we could better keep track of the medication’s because they changed so frequently.
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We spent about 12 hrs/day with him at the MC, but in hindsight, I don’t think that was healthy for any of us.
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DH has been in MC a little over a month now. His sister and I took him there and told him it was for rehab. He had been there once before. We got him into the dining area with a table full of people and left. When he figured it out he was upset but he's settling in. It hasn't been without some bumps but overall better than I expected. I was a mess as was his sister. Between all of us he gets visits 4-5 times a week.
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Hugs that all goes well. When I placed my DH for respite , I set up his room while the staff took him around to meet “ new friends”. I wouldn’t go overboard with possessions and definitely take the empty suitcase back home with you. You can add/subtract things as time goes on.
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sorry you are at this point. I know it’s difficult. Remember you are doing it for him not to him. The facility recommended I wait 2 weeks before visiting. After a week they took him a phone and we talked. When I did visit I would go at mealtime. I left without saying goodbye. Just slipped out and told the nurse and she would distract him with ice cream. I’ll be thinking of you and hoping he settles in quickly. Hugs. 💜
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I brought my husband's things to his room the week before he moved in without him knowing. I was so stressed the week before. On the day of move in I told my DH that we were going to lunch at a new hotel in town. When we got there I let the staff take over. They ushered him to a table with some other residents and I left. I didn't visit for 5 days. He had settled in by that point. He asked to go home, but I said the house was being renovated and he had to stay there for a few days.
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thank you all for your words of encouragement. Hoping next week will be it. I’m definitely not staying there. I want to just drop him off and leave and start the grieving process. Wishing you all a blessed week.
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Sending hugs. I hope it goes well. Let us know.
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Commonly Used Abbreviations
DH = Dear Husband
DW= Dear Wife, Darling Wife
LO = Loved One
ES = Early Stage
EO = Early Onset
FTD = Frontotemporal Dementia
VD = Vascular Dementia
MC = Memory Care
AL = Assisted Living
POA = Power of Attorney
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