Goodbye

FredW · October 6

My cancer has progressed to stage 4. I have stopped treatment. As this forum told me, I can’t care for my DW with the side effects of chemo. I’ve entered hospice.

After an aborted attempt to move into an assisted living facility locally, I found an opening in memory care facility near where her daughter lives. I told my DW she needs to move there so I can get care and treatment. I will move to a small studio apartment in the same facility, but in the independent living section. I doubt I will be there long.

She forgets I’m terminal. When it comes up, she is hearing for the first time. In sobs, she says she doesn’t know how to live without me. I understand for I have been trying to figure out how to live with Alzheimer’s talking a piece of her daily. I try not to remind her I’m terminal, but I can’t keep it from her all the time.

We won’t move until the end of October. I will be packing and preparing to move, as well as getting our house ready to sell. Downsizing from a 3000 sq ft house to two 400 sq ft apartments is challenging enough, try doing it with a demented partner who does not want to move.

I hate that I have to separate us but know it is the right thing to do.

I hate it more that I’m going to be the cause of her pain in losing me. Maybe, just maybe, her memory issues will be a blessing and ease her pain.

This discussion group has been very helpful. I want to let the members know their contributions and sharing have helped me. Thank you all.

I may, or may not, be able to post again. I wanted to say thanks while I was able.

SDianeL · October 6

Oh Fred, I’m so sorry you are going through this. I know how you feel. My DH never knew I had cancer. I told him once but he didn’t understand. That was a blessing. You are right not to tell your DW. She won’t remember and it will only cause her anxiety. It’s more compassionate to fib to her and assure her everything will be OK. Glad you are moving into Al & MC. It will allow her to be cared for and you to rest. You can still visit often. Please keep in touch if you can. I’ll be praying for you both. 🙏💜

Karen711 · October 6

Dear Fred- my heart breaks for you and your dear wife! I’m so sorry! My thoughts and prayers are with you both!

💜

Chance Rider · October 6

Fred, I’m so sorry to hear that your cancer has progressed. I hope moving into AL and MC will allow you and your DW to receive the care you need and that you’re able to rest. Please update us as you can.
~Eve

Goodlife2025 · October 6

Fred, thank you for sharing this difficult update. May the Lord bring comfort and watch over you and your dear wife.

White Crane · October 6

Dear Fred, my heart goes out to you and your DW. I'm so sorry this is happening to you. May God bless you with peace as you move forward.

Brenda

gonesail · October 6

I don't understand how people on this planet can be given such burdens as yourself. Godspeed to you and your dear wife. Be strong if you can.

annie51 · October 6

Dear Fred, my heart goes out to you. Good luck with the move - it is the right thing to do for both of you. Wishing you peace and strength.

midge333 · October 6

Fred: I am sorry. I can't imagine the stress and emotional pain you are experiencing. Good thoughts to you and your DW.

harshedbuzz · October 6

@FredW

Thank you for taking the time to update here thought I am sorry for the recent news you've received.

How loving of you to make these changes now in order that your DW's care will safely continue. That is a truly loving gift.

ronda b · October 6

My heart goes out to you.

Maru · October 6

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/74291/goodbye

Fred, my heart bleeds for you. Sending prayers for you and your DW. May you find the strength to do what needs to be done.

Anna2022 · October 6

Fred, I'm so sorry to hear about your health news. What a loving thing you are doing for yourself and your DW. Sending you love and support for your journey ahead.

Elizabeth607 · October 6

I am so sorry!

jgreen · October 6

God bless you and your wife, Fred. Such love is inspiring!
You both will be in my prayers.

dayn2nite2 · October 6

Fred, thank you for your contributions to this forum - I remember when you had to have surgery earlier this year and discovering that her daughter as Plan B wasn't going to work.

I am definitely sorry for the news you've gotten, and I know you are distressed that the living arrangements will not be together. Please know that she will be okay and you can leave this world knowing she will be taken care of by professional caregivers who will make appropriate caregiving decisions. If she is asking if you're recovered, I would probably just say "I'm about the same" without mentioning the terminal part. You won't be lying to her, and sparing her the reliving of your diagnosis.

If you can't come back here to post, we wish you the best and most comfortable journey home.

Metta · October 6

Dear Fred,

Wishing you all of our collective strength to face the journey ahead. May peace and love guide you and be your wings.

Kat63 · October 6

I am so sorry to hear of your situation. May God comfort and guide you. 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻

Gator1976 · October 6

My heart breaks for you. I can't imagiune a tougher place to be. I trust and pray you have help with all yoru going thru. God Bless you both.Most of all out situations can't comapre to what you are going thru.

My thoughts a prayers are with you both.

easy23 · October 6

You're doing a loving thing moving your wife to memory care. She is lucky to have you as her husband. I hope all goes well. Take care of yourself.

Sunfish47 · October 6

My heart aches for you and the situation you find yourself in. You are a good man doing the best you can for your wife. May God give you strength and peace.

upstateAnn · 12:59AM

So very very sad. There is a nobility of spirit you have shared with us. Thank you.

Goodbye

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