Evening g depression
My DH gets depressed in the evenings. We visited with friends today and went for a nice walk and stopped and chatted with a couple of people we know. Now he is saying there is nothing for him here at home anymore. He was talking about leaving and going someplace else to live. I am at a loss as to what to say to him. This dispose very upsetting . Last night he was talking about not caring if he lived anymore. He does great during the day and even has a sense of humor. Anyone have any ideas on how to deal with this?
Comments
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My wife had similar feelings. Her doctor started her on a small dose of Sertraline (Zoloft) and it helped dramatically.
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Ditto for Sertraline (Zoloft).
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this disease causes anxiety. What he’s doing is called sundowning and is very common. Depression is also common. Read the book “The 36 Hour Day” which helped me after my husband’s diagnosis. You can try reassuring him. He wants to know he’s safe. Many people with dementia want to leave or “go home” even if they have lived in the same home for decades. It’s due to their anxiety. It’s a feeling not a physical place they want to go. Talk to his doctor about anti-anxiety medication. Be specific about his behavior and depression. The best type of doctor to manage those meds is a Geriatric Psychiatrist. Ask for a referral to one if you can find one. Also try distracting him. Google Sundowning and find tips that may help.
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Sounds like a form of Sundowning.
According to the Alzheimer’s Association, as many as 20 percent of people with Alzheimer’s experience sundown syndrome. When your loved one has dementia (and some other conditions, as well), the approach of sundown can trigger sudden emotional, behavioral or cognitive changes. A 2023 study in the Journal of Alzheimer’s Disease found that of those who experienced sundowning, about half exhibited symptoms of agitation, irritability and anxiety. Other symptoms might include:- Mood swings
- Sadness
- Energy surge
- Increased confusion
- Hallucinations
- Delusions
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My DH does the same. Distraction rarely works. Turns my stomach in knots. Now it becomes “you don’t need me, I’m a burden, you are always busy.” None of those are true. I may have to increase his dosage of Zoloft because that does help. We see the doctor next week.
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I have the same comments sometimes. It hard not to take it personally. I keep reviewing the four major causes of difficult behaviors
- To gain attention
- To get something the care partner wants
- To get stimulation or relieve boredom
- To escape or avoid something unpleasant
Then try to respond to where I think they are. It’s getting easier somewhat when I hear comments like these. They don’t remember saying them later, but I was still reeling from the pain of the comment. I try to remember this feeling will pass for them and it’s my choice to be upset.
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I wish my LO was only anxious/depressed at night. Fortunately, if I put any kind of sports on TV, she will watch and quiet down. I've recorded figure skating competitions that I play when there's no game on. As a bonus, I get some me time.
It works, whew!
PS Try old Law & Order, Perry Mason, Gunsmoke, etc.
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Commonly Used Abbreviations
DH = Dear Husband
DW= Dear Wife, Darling Wife
LO = Loved One
ES = Early Stage
EO = Early Onset
FTD = Frontotemporal Dementia
VD = Vascular Dementia
MC = Memory Care
AL = Assisted Living
POA = Power of Attorney
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