The never ending search

It’s so unpredictable what they do, making it hard to plan what to lock up. So it feels like you’re always in “react” mode. My only two solutions are hiding stuff in drawers/cabinets or buying backup items after incidents where the item is an important one. I’ve had to buy three additional pruning sheers before I got smart enough to hide one.

I have been through this. I know it feels like it will never end, but in our case, it eventually did end. There were some tricks I learned along the way. Purchasing another of the same item and presenting it as "found". Looking for patterns in the places things get hidden (fortunately DW never put things in the trash). Identifying high value items and hiding them so they could not get lost. I am grateful we moved beyond that phase. I have lots of painful memories of endless searching for lost and misplaced items.

I will sometimes wait (not groceries) to bring things in until later when DW has gone to bed. Taking advantage of sundowners she is in bed by 6:30 most nights so I can put new things away where I want, it is rare she even mentions the item ever again. Out of sight is out of mind around here.

Yep, we are forever searching for things too. Cuz DH can’t remember from one minute to the next what he did with something or where he put it. I do have a hiding place for my purse where I stash it when he’s not looking. And I always, and I mean ALWAYS, carry my car keys on my person (I wear clothing with pockets) cuz I refuse ever again to spend another miserable 3-hours of an afternoon looking for them. So purse and car keys is what really matters to me.
The rest of the time we’re looking for his phone, glasses, wallets, etc, but I’m just kind of directing his searching cuz those items dont really affect me. Today is the third day hes been looking for his wallet and in another couple days it will show up. 😊😂🤣

@Cathy coconis

This behavior is difficult for the caregiver. At best, this is something that can be improved a bit rather than extinguished completely.

A couple of thoughts:

If this feels compulsive to you, it might be a function of anxiety and respond to a SSRI like Zoloft.

Damage control is important. Make sure you have any important papers under lock and key. If he futzes with mail, you can get a P.O. box. If he disappears deliveries, use an Amazon or UPS drop location.

You can also limit his access around the house by closing off rooms he doesn't need to use. Hook and eye locks (up high) or reversing privacy doorknobs both work. I'd close off the basement, spare bedrooms, baths, your office, the garage, etc.

HB

Hi all. It looks like we can’t prevent, but can do things to mitigate the behavior. Many great tips, thank you!

I read a post about a ‘tile’ on important items. Is this like an ‘air tag’ for those who have Apple devices? Those will work for wallets, purses, eyeglass cases, etc. The air tags have saved us countless hours of searching when DH/Dad misplaces items!

Love the idea of child proof locks, special hiding places and checking the trash. Thank you so much!

My DH with ALZ has lost two pair of glasses in six weeks. It is getting to be an expensive problem! Maybe someday a pair will show up but he can’t do without his glasses while we wait for that!🧐

We have TILE trackers on my purse, our keys, wallets and phones. With the Life360 app, you can track these items. It will also track a person driving a car.

DH is 83 and has hearing issues now. But I refuse to get him hearings aids cuz they will be lost here in the house by the second day. Even at Costco, where I read they give an excellent Dr exam and two hearing aids for a total $1,500 cost, I’m not throwing that kind of money away. So I try to face him when I’m talking to him so he can understand what I’m saying.

My DH loses his phone almost daily. I finally attached a Tile (similar to AirTags but for Android phones), which is very helpful. It does not give specific details for location, but I can tell if it's in the house, garage, or outside. I used to just call his phone and he would easily find it by the ring tone, but now he's in the habit of turning it off! Lost his older phone in the house two years ago and we never did find it.

He mostly just loses his phone, but sometimes things get more surreal. I was grocery shopping a few weeks ago and he called to ask if I had seen the spring-loaded roller for the toilet paper holder in the bathroom! This is a new one….he had no idea what happened to it. I searched through the trash cans when I got home and planned to order a replacement but then spotted the spring hanging from the coffee maker. Eventually deduced with a little of his help that he had dropped the roller while changing toilet paper rolls. Apparently felt the need to put the roller in the dishwasher and left the spring out. Hmmm - sometimes, while behavior seems crazy, there may be a teensy bit of logic lurking somewhere…