Hubby Moving to MC Wednesday

Katcat · October 11

These knots in my stomach come and go. It’s awful thinking about leaving him there without him knowing. I have always been as honest as I could. Getting there 11:30 then noon is lunch when they will transition him. I have to find out what will we be doing for 30 minutes. I keep thinking what if he won’t transition. I was almost ready to back out the other day because it doesn’t seem real. I just want to get this over with and grieve. 33 beautiful years married. I’m so sad for him.

SDianeL · October 11

stay strong. They will help him transition. They know what to do. They will distract him with food and an activity. I would sit down at lunch, start eating and then excuse yourself to go to the bathroom and quietly leave. Don’t say goodbye. Just quietly leave and let them take over. Saying goodbye will make it more difficult for him. Is someone going with you? Can someone meet you there after? The drive home will be heartbreaking. It helped that my daughter was with me. She kept reassuring me that it was the right thing to do. Hugs. 🙏💜

Arrowhead · October 11

While some have a hard time transitioning, others are easier. The day after I placed my wife I hurt my foot and was unable to see her for a week. The staff told me that the only problem they had with her was getting her to understand where she was to sleep at night. Placement can be hard on the one doing the placing. There are times I wish I had waited and other times that I’m glad that I did, what I did, when I did it. I hope it goes well for both of you.

annie51 · October 11

I may be also bringing my DH to MC on Wednesday if scheduling works out, and I’m having all the same emotions as you are. Once I made the decision, I tried to move it along fast so I wouldn’t agonize over it more than necessary. I’m awake more at night and don’t expect that to change soon. I’m very comfortable with my choice of facility but that’s only partial comfort. I’ll be thinking of you and hope the transition goes well.

MariaC · October 11

It brings tears to my eyes reading the comments above. It would break my heart also to separate from my husband. I think of how I will manage in the upcoming years when my DH illness worsened. It is stressful right now and so far we have been managing financially but we do not have enough money saved for MC as I have been the main breadwinner for 15 years since he became disabled at age 58 due to a failed back surgery. He has been in pain since then and this has caused lack of sleep which in turn I believe has contributed to causing his memory issues.

Biggles · October 11

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/255886#Comment_255886

I too am on this page with you Maria. Tears to my eyes and pain in my heart at the thought of being separated from my DH of 54 years and yet I can feel a change happening and the feeling that it would be such a relief to have some breathing space. First little step for me is a carer for a couple of hours I hope this is going to happen soon there is a long waiting list. This is so unbelievably awful.

Katcat · October 12

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/255863#Comment_255863

my sister and other family members offered to go with me. However if he sees them he will wonder what’s up. So I’ll have to go alone. Thx very much for your kind words.

Katcat · October 12

Eventually I would have to face this. He is just going to get worse I tell myself if anything happened to me he could not live home on his own. He will be in a safe place now. I’m just dreading it. I wish I thought of this before weekend but I need my Xanax prescription. I’m so anxious. Thank you.

Katcat · October 12

Thank you so much. Wishing you the same.

Katcat · October 12

Yes losing my partner. It’s terrible. He isn’t the guy I married and yet to separate this way is so painful. I’m sorry you are going through this too.

cdgbdr · October 12

@Katcat

DH and I have been married 32 years, together 36. It's the most difficult thing I've ever done. I was able to take a vacation with a friend last week. I'm going to visit today. I always dread it and how I can leave without a struggle. I'm teary when I think about it. Keeping him at home was not a good option overall. Stay strong and feel the support we're all sending you.

Katcat · October 12

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/255929#Comment_255929

thank you so much. Wednesday can’t get here quick enough. I look forward to my first real sigh of relief.

midge333 · October 12

@Katcat : The day I moved my wife of 46 years into MC was worse for me than the day she died. So many emotions. That said, I know it was the right thing to do for both of us. It will be tough but you will get through it.

Katcat · October 13

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/255962#Comment_255962

i agree with you. I feel the same. This will be the worse day. I’m still sitting here wanting to change my mind but know I can’t. My anxiety is through the roof. Thank you

blacksparky · October 13

Boy I know that this will be the hardest decision that I will have to make down the road. I just had my DW in adult daycare today for her first day. I haven’t had any amount of a break since her diagnosis almost 3 years ago. I came home thinking about what I was going to do all day. Did a couple of projects that needed done and now I am sitting in my recliner missing her dearly feeling guilty that I have abandoned her. I’m sure it will get easier as the time goes by but today has been sad. Hopefully if we both adapt to the daycare it might be easier to transition to MC down the road some day. Hopefully you and your LO will both adapt with no problems.

Hubby Moving to MC Wednesday

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