Hospice

persevere · October 23

So I think it's time. Basically, if she's awake, she's agitated. Lot of other things like weight loss, incontinence, inability to feed herself, continual constipation and urine retention. I've been chtgpt'ing this for days now. I just feel so unsure as to whether she is in pain or suffering as much on the inside as she appears on the outside since she is non-verbal except for the constant jabber. My dr is good but it's mainly portal messages and 'try this'. Just seems like having someone here with eyes on is best. But, it finally is sinking in that i am making a decision to let hospice 'help nature take it's course' as they put it since they are not in the curative business. If she gets an infection or pneumonia my understanding is they will do what it takes to make her comfortable to include antibiotics. But the goal is comfort, not cure. I know I can always take her off. Creates quite the human dilemma on decision making.

RetiredTeacher · October 23

I am sorry you are having to make this difficult decision. I can understand what a very difficult decision thos must be for you. So hard to try to do what's best for them since they can't help themselves, also knowing you are deciding to cease curative care in favor of comfort care. So very difficult decision to make. I hope God helps you both through this final phase.

annie51 · October 23

So sorry you are going through this tough time. So many decisions we have to make through this journey can tear our hearts out. And we have to make those decisions alone, without our partner’s input. We must think about our LO’s quality of life first, and that means our feelings of sadness and loss come second. When I placed DH in MC recently I was telling someone how much I miss him…they responded “you’ve been missing him for a long time”. And it hit me how true that is. Hospice sounds like the right decision for you now. We’re with you whatever you decide. Sending hugs.

midge333 · October 23

I am sorry for you and your DW. It is important to remember that dementia is a terminal illness. Yes, we can usually fix pneumonia but should we, if it prolongs suffering? I think one of the most important questions to ask yourself is that if roles were reversed, what would you want done for you? To me, it sounds like your DW is ready for a hospice evaluation. I think many people wait too long to involve hospice because they feel like they are "giving up" on their loved one. You are not giving up, you are transitioning to more appropriate care, given your loved one has a terminal illness. Good thoughts for you and your wife.

Sunfish47 · October 23

Midge is totally correct. This is a terminal illness.
And if you were the afflicted spouse, what decisions would you want your wife to make for you to ease your torment and maybe release you early from the hellish ending of dementia and Alzheimer’s.
My DH’s and my Health Care Directive/Living Will has a paragraph that specifically addresses dementia: after two doctors have diagnosed irreversible dementia, we want no life saving interventions.

CindyBum · October 23

You've been such a dedicated caretaker of your DW. I'm so sorry she's moved to this stage. You know the right path for her.

Big hug.

LearningCurve · October 23

My thoughts….It's time for Hospice. Bless you, "Persevere", your name says everything. I think those of us who tend to be over achievers may have an especially challenging time with this disease. Let go. Take care of yourself and the Hospice folks will give you both some peace, I feel sure. Bless you kind Sir.