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Caring for my grandma

elizabeth8
elizabeth8 Member Posts: 1
5 Care Reactions
Member
in I Am a Caregiver (General Topics)
My grandma was recently diagnosed with dementia and has move in with us a couple days ago. It's me, my brother and mom who all live here and we each help out when or where we need to. For the last 2-3 years, I've helped to care for my mom sometimes since she has serious health issues of her own. She has also been taking care of everything with my grandma for months and it has had a large toll on her. Right now, everything just seems so overwhelming and I'm having a hard time adjusting. I've been researching everything I need to knwo about dementia and it all just seems like so much and I'm scared i'm going to mess something up. I can't help but feel frustrated and sad too. It's been hard helping my mom the last couple years and it has had its toll on my mental health, and now that my grandma is being added in, it just seems impossible. I feel selfish for thingking that becasue I know neither of them can control what's happening. I honestly just don't know what to do. I'm 21 and in college, its so hard trying to balance everything adn I want to be there for my family as best as I can. Any advice would be appreciated.

Comments

  • Victoriaredux
    Victoriaredux Member Posts: 48
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    elizabeth8-

    What a full plate you have. Actually sounds more like a buffet table— and not the fun type.

    First, you can only live one life - you are a 21 year old with college and a future to plan for. Your Mom has needed help and now Grandma has joined the mix. Has your Mom talked with an elder law attorney about what legal documents she will need to manage things for your Grandma and what care options there are for both of them — medicaid etc in your state? She should be sure she has set things up for herself also in case you or your brother need to step in and manage the household completely at some point .

    It is unrealistic to expect you to be a student and full time caregiver - it's already taken a toll on your Mom.

    The lawyer can help with the practical options — the Alz Assoc has social workers who can help you with ideas and give support. :

    "Get Help and Support, Day or Night (800.272.3900)

    The Alzheimer’s Association is here all day, every day for people facing Alzheimer’s and other dementia through our free 24/7 Helpline (800.272.3900). Talk to a dementia expert now and get confidential emotional support, local resources, crisis assistance and information in over 200 languages. It's ok if you don't know where to start. Just give us a call and we'll guide you from there."

    Someone always answers the phone and if a social worker isn't available they will call you back.

    Your Mom can call also. Glad you found this Forum - you'll find a lot of support and ideas , or just a place to vent if you need to that day.

  • Maru
    Maru Member Posts: 213
    100 Likes 100 Comments 100 Care Reactions 25 Insightfuls Reactions
    Member

    You are so young to have to carry all this…And, yet, here it is. I expect that you will do what all of us do…whatever needs to be done. I don't like to give advice but in your case I will…It is essential that you take time for yourself…something that adds joy to your life…as well as the other practicle advice that others gave or will give. Somehow…be at peace.

  • sandwichone123
    sandwichone123 Member Posts: 1,086
    1000 Comments 250 Insightfuls Reactions 250 Likes Fourth Anniversary
    Member

    That is too much. You and your mom need to locate resources for your grandma. It is not reasonable to have her living with you. Remember that your responsibility is to build your own life. There is nothing you can do that will change your grandma's outcome, but putting too much effort into that will certainly affect your future.

  • harshedbuzz
    harshedbuzz Member Posts: 5,893
    Eighth Anniversary 1,500 Likes 5000 Comments 1,000 Insightfuls Reactions
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    @elizabeth8

    Hi and welcome. I am sorry for your reason to be here, but pleased you found this place.

    It is unfortunate that the burden of care has landed on your young shoulders. This is a season of your life during which it is not selfish, but prudent and responsible to be focused on launching yourself into an independent adulthood. You need to prepare for a career, work on relationships and building a future for yourself. That's your Job One.

    To that end, if your mom is chronically unable to provide the bulk of the care grandma needs, then the time has come to delegate her care to professionals. If grandma has assets, they can be used to hire help or place her in a facility. If she doesn't, your mom (or you) should explore qualifying her for institutional Medicaid to pay for a facility.

    You don't mention the nature of your mom's health issues, but she may do better herself without the stress of 24/7 dementia caregiving.

    HB

Commonly Used Abbreviations


DH = Dear Husband
DW= Dear Wife, Darling Wife
LO = Loved One
ES = Early Stage
EO = Early Onset
FTD = Frontotemporal Dementia
VD = Vascular Dementia
MC = Memory Care
AL = Assisted Living
POA = Power of Attorney
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