How much is too much?

Momx3 · October 28

My DH is in early to mid step 5. I still work and he is at home by himself all day. I recently installed cameras so I could keep an eye on him. I’ve noticed he sleeps a lot. Today he told me he had slept most of the day and he doesn’t understand why. He’s wondering if there is something physically wrong with him. Should I explain to him about the dementia and that this is normal? I’m not sure what to do. I don’t want to worry or scare him. Any advice is greatly appreciated.

wose · October 29

I would say no. I don’t know how old he is, but you could just blame it on getting a little bit older or maybe a weather change depending on where you live. Or maybe acknowledging it and dismissing it, he may forget. It’s not usually advisable to tell a person with dementia that they have it. It’s just too upsetting even if they don’t remember. My DH always focuses on the negative, so I try not to say anything negative or contradictory. It’s so hard tho to distract them at times. I’m so sorry, it’s difficult to know what to do a lot of the time.

annie51 · October 29

I agree with @wose about not saying it’s the dementia and then acknowledge and dismiss it. Weather change, less daylight, age, bad sleep the night before, maybe a touch of a cold could all be used as a reason. Whenever I would sleep a long time, my mother used to always say “I guess you must have needed it”.

SDianeL · October 29

sleeping a lot is common in dementia. I would not tell him he has it. It will only cause him anxiety. If he is stage 5 I would worry about him being alone. He would not know what to do if a fire broke out. That’s the question the VA nurse asked my DH to provide respite care for me. My DH said he would try to put out the fire. Not call 911 and not get out. They said under no circumstances should he be left alone because he would die in the fire. They said he could also wander and get hurt or killed. They are also vulnerable to scammers.

jgreen · October 29

Hi, MomX3

So sorry you are in this position. I agree with wose, Annie, and SDiane - all great advice.

I haven’t had to go this route just yet, but have these options in my own mind: If you are still employed and find you need to work, check with your HR department about Family Medical Leave. It is an option to protect your job for a period of time to care for a family member who is seriously ill. It may be an option for you to stay home for a bit so you can watch DH and sort things out for yourselves. From what I understand, you would use up any sick leave you have accumulated and then be on leave without pay. At least your job would be protected under this law.

I like what SDiane offered about the VA nurse assessing her DH. If your DH is a veteran or retired military, this could be an objective assessment with options for you. And if not VA, perhaps hospice? Your local Council on Aging may have a list of resources for you, including adult day care facilities, or in-home companions. You will have to weigh the costs against your income to see if any of those available options would work for you.

Let us hear from you. We all care! Hugs and prayers coming your way.

HollyBerry · October 30

More ways to answer his question about why he's sleeping so much:

did you have any coffee this morning? I can leave you a thermos so you can refill your mug.
are you looking for something to do? do you want me to leave a couple things on the table for you to do tomorrow?
do you want me to check and see if any of your meds are causing this? you are assuming there isn't a medical reason for being tired, so you can later say, "I looked it up and none of your meds should be making you sleepy."

We went through this situation about 6 months ago. She isn't able to find things to do on her own and was just sitting there staring out the window unless I gave her a task or a book or something that felt to her like she was doing something useful. I think she was repeating to herself "I'm so tired" and believed it. I mentioned it to her provider, who did some bloodwork just to be sure, and once we told her there was no medical reason to be tired all the time, she was off that jag and suddenly was awake and bugging me for something to do. "I'm so tired" was replaced by "I'm so bored," which has its own challenges!

Katie Roo · October 30

I would let his doctor know because it may not be all dementia related. For example, my hubby has started sleeping more and I thought it was due to progression. Turns out he's anemic, and blood and iron transfusions have helped.

How much is too much?

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