What next?

Crkddy · October 31

My wife is somewhere in stage 7 and still at home with me. I tried her in a memory care facility 6 months ago for a short time. She suffered a bad fall so I brought her home. Her condition continues to deteriorate. She is able to walk with me assisting, but she cannot get out of bed or a chair. She is barely staying awake long enough to eat, and it's getting worse. She falls asleep while I'm feeding her. I feel that she is beyond the condition where a memory care facility will accept her now, but I don't think she is ready for hospice. I'm afraid it's getting to the point where I can't take care of her by myself. I suppose a private duty aid in the home could work but that is so expensive. I've started thinking about nursing homes.

Looking for some advice or others' experiences.

tigersmom · October 31

Please call for a hospice evaluation. You don’t need a doctor for this; you can do it yourself. It sounds to me like your DW would definitely qualify, and you will get some much-needed help and guidance. You are doing a really hard job now; please find out whatever assistance may be available to you. Sending a hug.

Milo4455 · October 31

I've read on here that hospice, if called, can and will come out and evaluate and seems each Hospice has different criteria? At least it would give you a definitive answer to "I don't THINK she is ready for hospice". I also believe it's impossible to do this journey alone, period. We all do the best we can, and you are doing the best for her with the route that you choose. Hugs.

jfkoc · October 31

Please call Hospice and call more than because although the required services are the same personnel makes a difference.

Jgirl57 · November 1

I agree with tigersmom, ask for an evaluation for dementia hospice. Your DW could very well qualify for the next year. And jfkoc is right, call more than one agency. It will be hard on you to make the call, but the evaluation itself will be beneficial to you both. Hugs to you, make the call.

lenbury · November 1

I just recently lost my wife after a UTI and a hospital stay. She was refusing to eat and after 3 days in the hospital a wise doctor recommended hospice. It was a shock to my son and I but he was right. We brought her back to a room at memory care under hospice and she had a week of gradual decline still not eating but there was no pain or fear. We realized after the fact that losing the will to eat was a sign that her transition had begun. I hope things go well for both of you.

Karen711 · November 1

This sounds very difficult Crkddy! I’m sorry this is happening and sending you a hug!

I agree with others- at least call hospice and ask for dementia evaluation. She may be ready, and you can clearly use the support.
💜

harshedbuzz · November 1

@Crkddy

I am sorry you have reached this point with your dear wife. I suspect you are correct about her having progressed beyond the place where your wife would be considered for a MC admission. Were she still in a facility that allows residents to age-in-place, they'd likely insist on additional private pay aides or hospice by now.

I agree with the others about calling hospice in. If nothing else, they can guide you through things like safely feeding a person in very late stage dementia.

HB

Maru · November 1

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/74491/what-next

Stage 7 is in the dying stage. Hospice will help you with the care that you need. Deepest sympathy for what you are going through. It will come to all of us caretakers eventually. Hold her hand and assure her that you love her and will take care of her.

Quilting brings calm · November 1

I agree with everyone else. She should qualify for dementia hospice. Each agency is different. My mom qualified and she was in stage 4/5 and was on oxygen. She qualified due to needing help with daily activities. She was not expected to die at that time ( although she did a few weeks later). Please call. You will get help to bathe her, visiting nurse, chaplain, and once on it, Medicare will pay for diapers and wipes.

Crkddy · November 1

Thanks so much for your responses and support. It means more than I can express.

LearningCurve · November 2

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/74491/what-next

Hospice.

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