Keeping a loved one at home vs nursing care

Jean Miller · October 31

My husband has early onset Alzheimer's, do many people going thru this same thing, keep there loved ones at home vs nursing home??

Milo4455 · October 31

My hope is to keep DH (75yo, stage 5ish) at home with me. I've just started in-home part time 'sitters' (3, 4hr mornings). First sitter wasn't a good fit, and the 2nd sitter just started yesterday. I'm feeling hopeful with this 2nd. She seems to be engaging him more, vs the first guy just, well, sitting on his phone. We'll see and pray. He's at the stage that I'm not as successful with redirecting, or managing his increasing agitation and temper tantrums. Very frustrating. Seems all DH enjoys is riding, so we make morning and afternoon country road trips. Also, WAS confident I would not turn to drugs for assistance, but am now exploring those options as well. My thought is 'Plan B' would not tolerate the behavior issues should that become the future route. Only thing I know for a fact is, I don't know anything and nothing is set in stone. Everything changes day by day, even hour by hour and I can't do this alone.

harshedbuzz · October 31

It's a mix here.

Every PWD is different. Every caregiver is as well. The circumstances and resources available inform decisions.

Dad was home until about 10 weeks before he died. Mom would have preferred to keep him home but his murder-suicide ideation made it unsafe.

HB

blacksparky · October 31

My plan is to keep DW at home as long as I can. She also has EOAD and we are now in year 3 after diagnoses. There are good days and very hard days. We tried daycare but was unsuccessful. I will start having some home help as soon as I find the right fit. My DW is stage 5/6 and right now just needs someone there to keep her from wandering and safe. I’m going to try a couple of hours a week and work up to more if needed. I also put a plan B into my DW’s journey by visiting MC and skilled nursery facilities just in case I can’t keep her until the end.

tonyac2 · November 1

@Abby627 posted a similar discussion that has 71 responses, you might want to check that one out. Nursing home vs. keeping your LO at home is a very personal decision. In some cases like ours, finances drive it. On the other hand, when I witnessed the care (lack of) my DH was getting in a TCU, I couldn’t take it and brought him home. His personal care needs were not being addressed and I couldn’t stand that. One way or the other it’s going to take a huge toll on your mental, emotional and physical health.

sandwichone123 · November 1

One of my very early questions here was about keeping my spouse home through it all. However, the realities of early onset hit. I needed to keep working and he could no longer remain home, and walking all over the neighborhood, without supervision.

Realizing that my options were that I could quit my job and become a full-time caregiver or continue working and put him in memory care, I chose to keep working. I did not want to find myself widowed and alone in my early 60s with no job, no current experience, and no contacts.

PlentyQuiet · November 1

DH was diagnosed at 61 with MCI, and at 64 entered hospice care at home. If it were not for STRONG family support, daycare, and community respite programs I would had to have placed him. EOAD can move fast and it is exhausting, frustrating, and yet so boring.

This is not really a one person job, and even with family help I would place him if I had the means to do so.

Carl46 · November 2

My wife stayed home with me until I couldn't keep her safe anymore. After picking her up from the floor six times in two weeks, I knew both of us were at risk for serious injury and placed her in a memory care facility. Both her doctor and mine were encouraging this move even before she stated falling, because the stress of caring for her was affecting my health (high blood pressure etc.) despite her spending half days in a day care five days a week. In fact, I had already chosen the MC facility and just hadn't had the heart to take her there until her inability to walk safely forced me to do something.

I would have placed my wife earlier if she had wandered or if she had been nasty or aggressive. In our case, she knew who I was and daily told me she loved me and thanked me for "taking good care of her." That made it harder to place her as you might imagine.

SDianeL · November 2

many do keep their loved ones at home but few can do it alone. As the disease progresses your loved one will require 24/7 care. Many PWDs become bedridden and incontinent in the late stages. Many become anxious, agitated and aggressive putting the caregiver at risk of injury. Most people have to hire help for that. Hiring help is often difficult and it’s very expensive. Memory care is also very expensive. File for SSDI. Meet with an Elder Law Attorney immediately to get DPOA, Medical POA, HIPPA forms, wills, etc. don’t wait. Ask the attorney about long term care options including Medicaid requirements. If you choose to keep your LO at home, have a Plan B in case something happens to you or you are unable to care for your husband at home.

Keeping a loved one at home vs nursing care

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