SLUMS got me in a slump

My DM who is my pwd was given the SLUMS test today. She has been diagnosed with mild cognitive impairment/early stage Dementia, in December 2024.

After much pleading she got authorized for an MRI. In July, she was diagnosed with Vascular Dementia. She is not on any meds. She refused both, Aricept and Memantine.

I've observed her decline for AT LEAST the past 4 years. Yes, like all others, she swears she does not have it and is convinced she would have been able to continue driving, were it not for me talking her out of renewing her insurance at $2400/year.

Anyhow, today, her new PCP gave her the SLUMS test. It was heartbreaking to realize that my college-educated mother could not come up with the name of more than 7 animals in 1 minute. Even at one point, saying, "Monkey," then retract it and said a monkey wasn't an animal.

It was heart shattering coming to the realization that my mom had no mental image of a clock face in her memory from which she could pull from, to draw a clock and indicate ten minutes after 11 on it.

I told her PCP about her roadtrip confusion and my recognition that she is currently in a decline, with her complaining daily that she feels, "Mixed up in my mind." The doctor is consulting with a neurologist to get ideas about meds that I know my mom will not take.

She left the appointment in tears. I guess she felt betrayed by me, though I had told her I planned to share everything with her doctor.

I am now at the point of hiring in-home caretakers. I had asked mom about it last week. She refused to commit to it.

Her doctor told her she really should get someone to come in and ensure she eats breakfast, take her meds, and even walk in the park with her.

The park is literally across the street from her. Since her fall in August, she has not gone for her daily walks anymore as she says she now fears a repeat.

I truly do not know what to do or how to cope with this disease, as it erodes my DM's brain, bits and pieces at a time.

I feel totally overwhelmed, unprepared, and angry, all at the same time.

I loved my sibling dearly. However, I am finding that over a decade after their death, I am now ranging between being resentful of them being dead, to being envious of them.

I have always been the one living with an incurable, life threatening, disease. Yet, here I am, preparing perhaps to bury the last of my birth family. Dementia sucks…ijs💔