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Take your own care seriously…

annie51
annie51 Member Posts: 472
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in Caring For a Spouse or Partner

I met a woman yesterday that was pondering placement of her husband in MC. She was recently diagnosed with breast cancer and is now undergoing chemo - surgeries including a hysterectomy will be following. She told me that for 8 years while she took care of her husband, she neglected her own health, not getting mammograms or other tests and checkups that she would normally get done. She felt something in her lymph nodes but told herself it was nothing. It was by the grace of God that she got a sign that prompted her to go get checked and they found the lumps. I told her that she was doing the right thing for both her husband and for her by placing him, as hard as that is.

Please, please, please don’t neglect yourself during this journey. You want to be there for your loved one as long as you can. But YOU are important too!

Comments

  • SDianeL
    SDianeL Member Posts: 2,462
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    You are so right! My DH was diagnosed in 2021. I had planned on caring for him at home as long as I was able. In Dec 2023 I was diagnosed with aggressive breast cancer and had to start chemo and then have surgery. I had no choice but to place my husband in MC. It was the hardest thing I ever did. The chemo I had were the strongest types. I got so weak I could hardly walk across the floor which made me realize I made the right decision for his care. Please take care of yourselves and have a Plan B in case something happens to you. I was advised to have a plan B but was either in denial or thought I had more time.

  • harshedbuzz
    harshedbuzz Member Posts: 5,916
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    My mom neglected her health in the thick of caregiving. It cost her the vision in one eye and consequently her ability to drive and have the freedom and independence of stage 8. It has impacted by freedom as well.

  • jgreen
    jgreen Member Posts: 52
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    https://alzconnected.org/discussion/74559/take-your-own-care-seriously

    Thank you, Annie. A good reminder.
    Hugs! 💝

  • Maru
    Maru Member Posts: 225
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    I read that about 75% of caretakers die within a short time of their loved ones. The stress is so great and as the above comments have proven, they neglect their own health.

    I am now pre-diabetic and have CKD + leukemia. The last 2 things I have had for some time, but with the possibility of diabetes looming in the future, the reality that of me dying first hit me. I HAVE to take care of my body. I am now forcing myself to get in small bits of exercise daily, following my diabetic and kidney diet faithfully, working on getting the sleep that I need. My goal was, and is, to be here to care for DH until the end. From my lips to God's ears.

  • WIGO23
    WIGO23 Member Posts: 230
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    I think relative to this topic is how the stress of caregiving has affected my health, is the weight gain from stress eating. I have gained 30 pounds since my DH’s journey began. I eat because it does work momentarily to raise my serotonin level and calms me. It tastes good and provides a pleasurable moment in sadness or duress. I have tried all the tools I know to deal with the impulse to eat but nothing has worked. I know being overweight is not helping me and my self esteem has plummeted because I hate how I look. I have no answers as to how to break this stress eating cycle!

  • marier
    marier Member Posts: 125
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    Taking care of myself is one of the hardest things I do or try to do. It is so easy to just put the doctor or dentist appointment off another week or month. It so easy just to say let me sit and have a moment of quiet instead of going for walk. This list is endless. So as the the Nike commercial says "just do it". I am working on changing my thinking as well as my doing to keep those appointment and getting out of the house for a walk as well as trying to maintain a positive attitude. I may not be able to go for a hour walk may be it is only 15 mins at a time but I try to keep moving. I am trying to give myself permission to love myself enough to keep those appointments so that I will be able to care for the love of my life my DH.

  • Chance Rider
    Chance Rider Member Posts: 116
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    https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/258224#Comment_258224

    Your post really resonates with me and is exactly the same as my situation. I know exactly what I’m doing as I’m eating my emotions but nothing has worked to help me stop. I know I can’t outrun my fork but at least I’ve stepped up my daily activity to help with my emotions.

    Hoping we both find a solution. Please be gentle with yourself and don’t give up. We’re in a difficult situation and the added self guilt and shame won’t help. Hugs

Commonly Used Abbreviations


DH = Dear Husband
DW= Dear Wife, Darling Wife
LO = Loved One
ES = Early Stage
EO = Early Onset
FTD = Frontotemporal Dementia
VD = Vascular Dementia
MC = Memory Care
AL = Assisted Living
POA = Power of Attorney
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